To bitter endings and new beginnings

So, here I am again. Making a new attempt to blog. 

Because words have always been my forte, my savior, my love and passion..

 

I am still struggeling with mental disorders. Darkness still clouds my mind, my judgement.. The fire within, that we all have..

I still pour amounts of water on mine.

 

I have felt a lot of guilt. For being weak, for being so darn fragile. For being stubborn and refusing to admit to my own weakness.

Shame that I do not feel rigth, fitting in have always been a problem of mine. Because I never really figured out, who is it that I want to become..?

 

My weakness is also my strength, I believe. I am one very naive person, and there is a form of beauty for being naive in todays world, if I may say so.

 

I think I have been scared to admit to myself, that I am just like most people out there. I love the superficial. While at the same time that I love glossy magazines and materialism, I also

feel a deep longing for simplicity. It’s an ongoing conflict. Maybe blogging can be like mapping out a new way for me. Maybe I should just own up to the fact that while I want the world to be a better place, I also dream very unrealistic and love escaping into the shallow and vain. Maybe you can have the cake and eat it too..

 

So here I am. Once again, trying to find a creative outlet for myself. Let’s see what happens. Roll the dice!