Gotta let you go, this leads to nowhere

It’s getting hot as in hell, and I’ve already been there

I’m not the one you really want, but honestly I don’t care

‘Cuz the feeling is mutual

I guess real love ain’t that usual

Keeps me from going to the bottom, suicidal

But I’d rather commit to that than going full on bridal

(Now ya know)

Do you feel anything at all..?

If so, don’t let it show

Let’s be cold and numb together

Freeze your heart, that’s how we play

Frost-bite from the kisses, it’s okay

 

There’s nothing to be felt anymore

The blood in my veins has run cold as ice

My sanity, can I hold on to it this time, roll the dice

I am searching so hard for a purpose

But at what price..?

 

Life is fucking hard, and to be honest sometimes I really do hate it

I want to stay in touch with reality, but at the same time I wanna escape it

There’s a demon lurking at the back of my skull, and I’m questioning my soul

I don’t think I wanna live ’till I’m old (the days are long,a and the nights are longer)

I am searching so hard for a purpose, but I can’t seem to aim at a goal

(They say what doesn’t kill you make you stronger, but I don’t know)

That somehow doesn’t soften the blow

It’s kinda horrible what life can throw

And believe me it hurts, when it hits you below

 

Gotta get my shit together, because this shit is outta control

But I’m too scared to leave my foxhole

I know you can’t see it, but there’s a war in my head

That’s why I sleep away the days, pretending I’m dead

I can’t feel anything that makes me feel content

I can’t keep a job to pay the rent

I ain’t happy with the situation,

Still can’t stop the depressed thoughts that keeps going on rotation

I just don’t know how to map out a route

Stop myself from all the questioning and self-doubt

or how to take the first steps

I’ve made so many moves I regret

 

Blood in my veins, as cold as ice

Live or die- roll the dice

The worst thing is being a living dead I guess

And lately it’s been feeling like every day I’m living less

I’m questioning if I got what it takes

Questioning my mind, is it time to hit the brakes

Before life hits me in the face

(It’s always too late)

Before I turn into someone I hate

(It’s ALWAYS too late)

 

You see me, but you don’t feel me

You touch me, but you can’t reach me

And all the lessons in the world, can’t teach me

How not to self-destruct

Kaboom, there goes my brain

All my efforts down the drain

I’d give anything

ANYTHING

To just stay sane

 

I know you hate me when I go there

It’s ok, I hate this version of me too

I know my illness is more than you can bear

I know you can’t forgive the crazy shit it makes me do

(I understand, I can’t forgive myself either)

And sometimes I ask myself if its better I just disappear

It’s so hard for me to make up my mind

I want to protect you, but I can’t seem to find

The way through these mines, I keep tripping

Shipping you into this bloody mess, both of us slipping..

Oh god, why can’t I just bleed out alone

And oh, please turn your heart into a stone

I don’t want to be the one that breaks you

Shut me out

Let me go

Cut me loose from that rope love once tied around your neck

Save yourself, I understand

Trust me now, I understand!

 

Pushing you away, I know

This madness is like fire, and if you get too close you’ll only burn out too

So I’m not asking you to linger here

Or put up with my shit

I know it’s too hard to do

You loved me once, and it was mutual

And if you’d ask I’d tell you

«Yes, I still do»

But saying that now will only sound rude

So I’m not gonna reach for your hand

I have to burn in solitude

It’s okay

 

Freeze your heart

Turn it into a stone

Promise me, that when the madness ignites me and I go down in flames

Your blood must turn cold in your veins

And you let me burn alone

You let me burn alone!