It’s been a shit week

Put your headphones on

While I sing myself to sleep

 

(Some things I can only say to myself. Well, most things.. All of ‘em actually. No wonder I’m lonely.. No wonder I drive myself mad)

 

I know you think I’m cold-hearted

I have my reasons so don’t get me started

I know you think I don’t play fair

To tell you the truth I don’t really care

 

Where are we going?

I don’t know about you but I don’t have any plans

Been in survival mode like some kinda trance

Guess I forgot you exist again

Death is very hard to resist again

Back to self-hating, self-sabotaging

How do I break this cycle without killing myself?

 

I know you think I’m a piece of shit

I think so too and I can’t seem to quit

I know you hate how I just don’t care

To tell you the truth: There’s times when we hang out and I ain’t even there

 

What’s going on?

I try to check in with my soul but it seems to be gone

Painted all my days black

Hope is lost, and it’s not coming back

Missed her funeral, couldn’t stomach it

Life is brutal, life is unfair, isn’t it?

 

I want out, I want out

But I just got this life to live

 

You want my honest thoughts?

Nah, didn’t think so, that’s why my phone is off

I think I’ve faked it for so long, I can no longer tell

I’ve been pretending I am okay, but I’m living in some kind of hell

I’m so bloody miserable, can’t stand myself

But no one’s gonna come to the rescue:

You always have to save yourself

 

I want out, I want out

But I just got this life to live!

 

 

Hello, it’s me again

Your least favorite crazy bitch

I know you don’t want to hear from me

I swear this is my final pitch

(Ah, you know I’m full of shit..)

But seriously I’m trying to get over it!

 

’Cuz I realise I am completely delulu

For ever thinking I could get you

How many women do you have waiting in line?

How many women do you have on hold?

and here I am, the troll who fell for the prince

Probably the most pathetic fairytale ever told..

Haha, I guess it could be kinda funny

if this wasn’t happening to me..

But it is, so..

FUCK!

 

Yeah, so hi again

Oh, you don’t give jack shit!

and you don’t want me womansplaining my desperation or my mad desires

I swear I’m trying to get over it!

It’s just that almost every damn night

it’s you I see when I close my eyes

and you do NOT wanna know the dirty things I’ve done to you in my fantasies

Or how fed up I am that it’s all fictional

But the real tragedy is..

I’ll probably do it again tonight

(double fuck!)

 

‘Cuz yeah I know, I am completely delulu

Delululululu..

For ever thinking I could have you

How many booty calls do you have on standby?

How many nudes saved in your camera roll..?

Ok, I have to remind myself again: I’m the troll in this..

This BLOODY m’fucking pathetic fairytale that’s ever been told!!

 

Ok, so hi hello and triple times fuck

It’s me, the troll and the psycho bitch

Of course I am shit outta luck!

I wish I’d never looked your way, honestly

and you probably wish for that too

(I know so damn well you do)

But I swear, I’m trying to get over it

I just have to stop fucking you in my mind

You don’t know how hard it is to quit!

But I swear, I swear, I SWEAR!

I am trying so hard to get over it!!

 

‘Cuz I was and I am completely delulu

Delululululu..

For ever thinking I could get you

Quadruple times FUCK for the one fuck I just can’t have

Quintuple times FUCK for my mind that won’t behave

Sextuple times FUCK for, well.. Us not having any sex

And just one final, quiet, humble fuuuuckkkkk because now I’m going to bed and I’m closing my eyes and I just know I’m gonna dream about you next..

 

’Cuz yeah, I’m delulu

Worst is; I always knew it but it doesn’t help

’Cuz I still want you

So that’s how it goes:

Delulu, delulu, delulu

Delululululu..

Knowing damn well I’ll never have you