If you can hear me now

(I know you can’t but I keep talking)

Wherever you are

I am asking you just this one thing

Be my leading star

I am so deeply wounded but I keep walking

But I fear I’m lost

I’m scared and I need direction

Or just a hand to hold

 

Can you reach me from the dead

If I picture you in my head

But I can’t recall your voice..

I can’t speak the words you used

To soothe me when my nerves got raw

I fear them snapping

It’s always happening

I can’t control my madness

And I can’t escape the feeling of sadness

It’s always there, deep in my heart

Sometimes I think it’s been there since the start

It’s so familiar, this pain

Maybe that’s why I sometimes have to go insane

I can’t carry this darkness

And I don’t know how to let it go..

 

If you can hear me!

Reach me from the other side

Give me a sign

I get so lonely in this world without you

No one understands me like you did

No one can take me for all the ugly things that I am

I need you to keep on loving me

Because I don’t know if I can

I don’t know if I can..

I am so fucking complicated,

I am more complex than I can understand..

 

If you can hear me now

(I know you can’t but I keep talking)

Wherever you are

I am asking you just this one thing

Be my leading star

I am so deeply wounded but I keep walking

But I fear I’m lost

I’m scared and I need direction..

 

You can’t hear me

I know I’m asking too much

I know I am all alone in this darkness

I know there’s no way to get in touch

You sleep forever where I buried you

Safe in death, and one day I’ll be too

But I’ll keep walking

It’s what you’d want me to do

And if you could, you would

I know…

I just miss you so

I miss you so

 

I know I can do better

I know I can get further than this

I just don’t always know what moves to make

And I have this feeling I can not shake

What is it going to take

I’ve given my all before and I ended up with nothing

But I will keep trying

 

It’s a hard job, being human

But I try

I fail

and I get up and try again

 

I know you think I’m a loser

I know you can’t see the scars

You weren’t there all those times when life got brutal

You don’t know how many times I’ve tried, but it was futile

And I don’t need you to cheer me on

Or even to believe in me

I have a fire burning somewhere deep inside

It’s me never giving up on myself that is keeping me alive 

 

It’s a hard job, being human

But I try

I fail

and I get up and try again

 

Tell me what is on your agenda

Is it lust or hate when your eyes go black

I said “I love you”

Now I’m taking it back

I have been so fucking brave for you

But courage is a thing you lack

And not a single word you’ve spoken was true

Yet after all the shit you’ve put me through

I was still dumb enough to be nice to you

And there was this part of me defending your actions

But why should I defend someone who left me in chains

You say I can trust you, but you’re not who you claim

The things I’ve done for you, now I see you’d never do the same

I am no longer playing a part in your fucked up game

Whatever it is you want from me, you’re not gonna get

And maybe I did love you, but you lost my respect

So I’m just walking out the door

Leaving you behind

Maybe you just don’t get it but

damn it you raped my bloody mind

I could never look at you and smile again

Who needs an enemy who’s disguised as a friend

A devil with a fucking halo

Or just an angel with a rotten heart

Don’t look my way again, you’ve played your part

In this broken, bloody history of mine

Don’t come for me when I’m down

If you are my saviour I’d rather drown

Don’t act like my hero

From now I’ll be my own

 

From now I’ll be my own.