Why does it always have to go like this

No good thing can ever last, can it

I am haunted or cursed

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and I don’t know what’s worse

Life is as treacherous as Game of Thrones

But this feeling of being unworthy, it’s in my very bones

You make it harder to be me..

And it’s battlefield life, again

I’m fighting a war in my head again

I’m losing faith and hope again

and I can’t talk to you because..

You ice me out

and you’ve decided who I am

and you deem me worthless

and how do I keep warm in this cold

and how do I make sense of this «love»

Why does it always have to be like this

I’ve known this feeling all my life

It’s a wound in the depth of my soul

and it never heals ‘cuz it never gets to

There’s always a new rusty blade waiting

and I never learned how to keep it under armor

So I guess it’s my fault

But you know about it and you still rubbed it in with salt

And now it’s battlefield life, again

I’m tearing myself to pieces in my head again

I’m losing trust in myself again

and I can’t talk to you because..

I speak but you don’t listen

and I’m not who you want me to be

and I am invisible to you I guess

and how do I survive in this world feeling like this

and how do I make sense of your mark on me

I want to cry it all out, but my eyes are frozen

I want someone to let me in, but no door is open

I just want to be right, but I’m always wrong

and I don’t even want to write this damn song..

You make me feel..

You make me feel..

You make me feel like I’ll never level up

and you will never love me unless I do

But I could never figure out..

How to just be approved by you

and it’s so lonely

It’s so goddamn lonely!

I hate how well I know this feeling

I hate how it will never leave my body

Because you chain me to it

There’s always a new rusty blade waiting

And it’s battlefield life, again

I’m fighting a war in my head again

I am going to lose, again

I am going to lose again

I cut myself with the sword you gave me

I hurt myself with the words you said

I should never have let you get inside my head

It’s battlefield life, again

It’s battlefield life

I lied

I think..

I’m not really all that great

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My confidence is about to kill itself

Too many things went wrong at once

Like they always do

I said it once, I’ll say it again

I wish I never met you

And then you have the ones I love the most

Who I’ll always disappoint

Then you have my relationship with myself

and my never-ending frustration

over all the roads I take

that leads to nowhere

Oh and these nights

These fucking nights

Where everyone else is asleep

and I’m just counting seconds

Staring into the ceiling

Trying to control my thoughts

So they don’t go somewhere terrifying

They make me wanna die

When the light comes

I can roll over

and pretend like I’m not haunted anymore

The curse has been lifted

and I can sleep

But the days go by so fast

and it’s been how many years of this

and I know so damn well it’s not fucking normal

but I have no weapons against the silent dark

I feel like

Isolating

Surrender

Cave in

Break down

Give up

Tomorrow is just another day

I will sacrifice

for making it through the night

And everyone thinks I’m hopeless

and that is so fucking true

And it makes me wanna die

Take my head

Lobotomize me

If I have to be inside it any longer..

It makes me wanna die

Things felt different

for a little while

I thought I had found myself again

Like I have a clue

Like I remember

who I used to be

and I will never be enough

You said it so perfectly

without actually saying it

and it hits me so much harder than I’d ever expect

’Cause it’s like.. I already KNOW

These nights, they haunt me

My inner voice grows so loud in the darkness

and what it says becomes so damn cruel

It makes me wanna die!

I wish so bad I could just silence it with sleep

But I can’t, and all my demons know why

I wait for the light

i hold my breath and I wait for the light

I can’t fight this..

I lied

I think..

I am not really all right

Guess I can’t change for anyone

It’s mostly because I don’t want to

I’ve been through hell and back in this skin

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You really have no idea, do you

I have to stay true to the fire within

And you can hate me if that makes you feel any better

I don’t feel anything at this point

I guess this is a dead letter

But one you should have read..

This is where I declare us dead

Walking out because there is no other way

Moving on because anything else would have been stupid

This whole saga is so fucking cliché

I’m gonna shoot an arrow straight into Cupid!

And you can hate me if that makes you feel any better

I really don’t give a shit at this point

I guess this is a dead letter..

But one you should have read

’Cuz this is where I declare us dead

And I’m so happy you ain’t my problem

’Cuz all your issues, well I can’t solve ‘em

Your dog-eat-dog world must suck to live in

It was pretty easy to just pull the pin

You can rage against me, it’s fine

Call me all the names, I don’t mind

This is a dead letter, but one you should read

Do you even know what you need..?

And you can hate me if that makes you feel any better

I don’t care at this point

I guess this is nothing but a dead letter

But one you should have read

’Cuz this is where I declare us dead

Woke up feeling okay

I did what I did, and I’m cool with that

I heard all the words you never said

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Now I’m just gonna live life the way I want

Looking back, for what?

It doesn’t lead me anywhere

And all the roads that I might take

will not lead me back to you

7 times before you head off to work

Then you call me the moment you’re home

I can’t complain

I’ve spent so much time recovering from shit not really recovering, I just stopped living

and I’m over it

I’m just gonna do whatever I want

I’m not overthinking anything anymore

It really does only kill your happiness

Just trusting my instincts and going with the flow

And when you know, you know..

I have no obligations

I’m not explaining myself or asking for permission

I’m just here trying to live my best life

Part of that is discovering what it IS

And all the roads that I might take

(I will make sure!)

will all lead me closer to MYSELF

Tok bare på meg skoa og sprang

Tomme gater, iskald vind- jeg følte ingenting

Sa jo til meg selv at dette blei siste gang

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Tøffe jenter tåler alt, for vi må

Vi er dem ingen prøver å forstå

Tøffe jenter tåler alt, for vi må

Og ingen vet hvor dype sår vi bærer på

Sminke over ringene under øya, ingen skal vite at vi har grått oss i søvn

Stygge ord som treffer rett i hjertet- jeg føler faktisk alt

Smile på bestilling; hvite tenner, hvit løgn

Du har fortsatt ikke hørt et ord av det jeg har fortalt

For tøffe jenter tåler alt, fordi vi bare må

Vi er dem ingen prøver å forstå

Tøffe jenter tåler alt, fordi vi må

Og ingen bryr seg om de sårene vi bærer på

Føler for å flekke tenner

Føler for å gå rett i strupen

Spør heller om vi skal være venner

For jeg må jo alltid se alt og alle gjennom den jævla lupen

Selv om ingen noen gang gidder å gi det samme tilbake..

Tøffe jenter tåler alt, fordi vi må

Vi er dem ingen prøver å forstå

Tøffe jenter tåler alt fordi vi må

Og ingen bryr seg om sårene vi bærer på

Og vi smiler så det gjør vondt

Og sier «Alt går bra!»

Men det gjør jo faen aldri det

Fordi..

Vi må tåle alt

Vi må tåle alt

Vi må tåle alt

Og det tar aldri slutt

Men alt går bra!

Tøffe jenter..

Fordi vi må.

Vi er dem

Verden ikke gidder å ta vare på

Tøffe jenter..

Fordi vi må

Og alt går fint

Alt går fint.

There’s nothing to be done about the past

or the ghosts that reside there

A field of daisies can be covered in mines

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You don’t know before it detonates

Sometimes you think you’ve entered Paradise

Then you turn around and see it was Hell’s gates

And life can be hard for a billion reasons

Nothing here makes much sense

I just know I can’t reach bottom again

So I swim to the surface and I’m just gonna forget

Forget that it did feel what it felt like..

But you are somewhere I just can’t go

I need more light and more laughter

I need less worries and sleepless nights

I have to be able to look myself in the mirror

and tell myself I deserve to feel all right

My sanity is always up for debate

That’s a fate I just can’t change

But where I have a choice, I must choose

And I can’t always set myself up to lose

Life can be wonderful for a billion reasons

and it doesn’t always have to make sense

I just know I have one life to live

So I swim to the surface and I’m just gonna forget

Forget that it did feel what it felt like

But you are somewhere I just can’t go

Ok so..

You can’t always help how you feel

(I mean, can you ever?)

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And I still don’t know what’s the deal

But it’s not my problem..

I tried because that’s what I do

But I’m gonna give up on you

I can be the best and I can be the fucking worst

But I own my mistakes

It’s true I sometimes crash into walls without brakes

But at least I got the balls it takes!

I’m sorry but you bum me out

I’m not cut out for being treated like shit

And now I’ve had enough of it

I have new songs waiting to be written

I have different feelings I want to explore

Time really is so fucking precious

I’m not gonna waste any more!

So here’s the last goodbye

I really did try

And it’s really not my problem..

I tried because that’s what I do

But I am giving up on you

Here’s to a life forever in freestyle

Here’s to a life with no rattle of chains!

It’s true I sometimes crash into walls without brakes

But at least I got the balls it takes

I got the balls it takes!

Goodbye constant source of sadness

I choose my own happiness!

I choose my own happiness!

Faen, ordene sitter fast i halsen nå

Har mange tanker, men de har ingen sted å gå

Elsker å få dem rett for meg selv, men vet at ingen kommer til å forstå

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Ingen kommer til å forstå!

For du fucker med hodet mitt

Selv om ingen skulle få gjøre det igjen

Og nå er det faen så tynnslitt

Jeg vet ikke hvem jeg skal være lenger

Jeg blir jo aldri rett

Og jeg vet ikke hvor jeg skal

For ingen vei blir noen gang lett

Ingen vei blir noen gang lett!

Måtte ta opp tråden igjen selv om den røyk

Og det den ble utsatt for var faen meg drøyt

Nå går jeg vel ned i kjelleren igjen

Fuck det, her er det varmt som i helvete

Skulle ønske folk var litt mer forsiktig når de brukte tungene

Alt rakner nå, jeg kjenner ribbeina punktere lungene

Og alt med meg er feil, igjen

Alt med meg er feil

Kan du ikke bare være litt glad i meg og ta i meg som om jeg ikke var støpt i betong

Du kaster alle ord som håndgranater og jeg må bare ta i mot

Jeg må bare ta i mot!

Du knuser meg litt, og jeg burde lært å beskytte meg selv

Men jeg er fortsatt alt for myk

For du fucker med hodet mitt

Selv om ingen skulle få gjøre det igjen

Og nå er det faen så tynnslitt

Jeg vet ikke hvem jeg skal være lenger

(Hvem er det du vil jeg skal bli?)

Jeg blir jo aldri rett

Og jeg vet ikke hvor jeg skal..

For ingen vei blir noen gang lett

Ingen vei blir noen gang lett

Og alt med meg er feil igjen

Alt med meg er feil

Will probably be slaughtered for this, but I had to write one last song to say the last goodbye.. It’s not to flip you off, I swear.. But if I can handle ypur brutally honest feedback you kinda owe me the same grace.. Peace!

You read each one of my words and you still don’t get it

I’m clearly going through it

Thanks for the stone cold judgment when I could have used a hand to hold

A shoulder to lean on..

We’re blood, but it clearly means nothing

You’re all so fine with me bleeding out..

And now I think I will

You still don’t get that I use the words to press against each and every wound..?

That people just keep expecting me to take each stab straight to the heart and that I am fucking indestructible..?

Oh, and thanks for the newest blow..

It hurts me so much more than you’ll ever know

(I don’t think you even care though!)

I’m so sick of other people telling me who and what I am

But I don’t know how to deal with it when it comes from my fam

Yeah I get it. i don’t fit into this picture perfect family..

What can I do about it but cry in my misery..

Yeah I cry about it in my misery!

I should have been a nurse and a wife and a mother, I should have been religious..

And I’m none of those things, but that doesn’t make me vicious

Yeah, I talk about sex but how is that a hate crime

If I was fucking for the purpose of a kid it would be fine

It would be fine!

You say I’m almost 40 years old and I can’t act this way

Write what I want and say the things that I say

I gotta keep up with the standards you set

I gotta play by the rules you decide

You can’t let this slide

Just know you’re asking me to commit emotional suicide

You’re asking me to commit emotional suicide!

You got a view inside my mind and you hated it there

And then you rip me to pieces like you don’t even care

I’m sorry I can’t go through life like you do

I’m just not built for it

I can’t just wrap up everything inside and keep it there

You can’t handle that I talk about it so I write it here

I discovered young that words hold power

They can heal!

I always knew I was born very different..

Because I am not afraid to feel..

And we are blood, but it clearly means nothing

You’re all so fine with me just bleeding out

and now I think I will

I think I finally will!

Just know you’re asking me to commit emotional suicide

Now you’re asking me to commit emotional suicide..

You don’t have to take it personal

It’s all about me

Just pouring my heart out

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I don’t know how else I can be

’Cuz I have feelings like we all do

I can’t do that robot-shit that you do

Where do good things go once they’re gone..?

I guess you just have to find it with someone else

(If you can.. It always feels like you never will)

I just need time to recover

I hate the pain but I deal with it still

All my words, they don’t mean shit

People never listen to it

You meant something to me, I mean nothing to you

I still can’t do that robot-shit you do

I just wonder..

Where do good things go once they’re gone..?

I guess you just let it die, then you bury it

(It always feels like you never will though)

I hate how I always gotta be so tough

I really am so fucking soft, but it’s never enough

And these words that I write, they don’t mean shit

Because people never listen to it

You don’t have to take it personal

I’m just here talking to myself

The way it’s always been

You hit me hard, but I try to take it on the chin

and now I can’t help but wonder..

’Cuz where do good things go once they’re gone?

I guess you just let them pass on to the other side alone

And time goes by and then you forget

(It just feels like you never will)

And I hate the pain but I deal with it still

I deal with it still..