To the one that made me feel

a little less alone

living with scars

that no one else can see

💔

 

 

 

You’ve always been my hero

Watched you rise all the way up from zero

Now I watch as people tear you apart

Even though you can’t defend yourself

They trash and they bash you

Label you this and label you that

Think they have you all figured out

Dumb pieces of shit..

Like they could have lived through any of it..

 

Complicated women, the world sure love to hate us

So damn forgiving of the monsters who made us

Screw you up and then they screw you over

and even in death, they can’t let you rest in peace

 

Oh babygirl, babygirl

Born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You never really knew it, but

you truly were too good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

 

Yeah, you were a special one

I can’t believe your time is done

I’m sorry for everything you went through

All the pain you never asked for

All the shit you had no choice but to take

I’m sorry for all the twists and turns of life

Everything that made you feel like you would break

But through it all you stayed true

Never afraid to show your wounds or broken parts

That kind of brutal honesty is rare

That kind of vulnerability, it’s a beautiful thing

To have felt the deepest levels of pain,

and still be able to care

 

Oh babygirl, babygirl

Born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You never really knew it, but

you truly were too good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

 

It’s funny how people think they have the right to

Scrutinize every aspect of a life they’ve never lived

Even when that life is over, they stand there with their scalpels

Making incisions and dissections

You die, and they fucking butcher you!

 

Complicated women, the world sure love to hate us..

So damn ignorant of the monsters who made us

Use and abuse, and it doesn’t even end when we die

You killed yourself..

And not a damn soul really cares about why

 

But babygirl, babygirl

You were born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You truly were to good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

 

I can’t believe all these people talking smack

She’s dead and she’s not coming back

Let her rest in peace

Let her at least have that

LET HER AT LEAST HAVE THAT

 

 

 

 

Welcome inside my head

‘Scuse the lack of light

and beware all my demons

They got razor-sharp teeth and they bite

 

Ok, now you’re warned, now you know

Ok, so here we go:

 

Crawling through the broken parts

This is my life, a million pieces on the floor

I spend all my time trying to glue something back together

I don’t want to be this broken anymore

 

But I am, I am, I am

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

 

Puked my guts out just to feel clean

What I flushed down the toilet, that’s a visual presentation of how I see myself

“You should not be so hard on yourself”

What does that even mean

 

There’s too many skeletons in my closet

I can’t even close the damn door

I don’t want this dialogue with my demons

and I don’t want to be this broken anymore..

 

But I am, I am, I am..

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

 

It’s hard when the evidence just keeps piling up

I’ve failed and I’ve fallen, and in the end there’s no gain

The bruises on my soul, I can’t camouflage with make-up

and no amount of tears I cry lets go of the pain

It builds up in my brain until it breaks it

I think that’s what makes me go insane

 

Crawling through the broken parts

This is my life, a million pieces on the floor

I think I’m ready to give it up. I think I’m losing hope

This is my life, and I’m not sure

If I even want it anymore

 

I don’t want to be this broken

but I am, I am, I am

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

I’m not so sure if I can

 

 

Er så flink til å rote meg inn i ting..

Og så dårlig på å rote meg ut av dem..

Er jeg bare tankeløs

Eller er jeg innerst inne slem..?

 

Hva skal jeg si nå?

Jeg har sagt det jeg hadde å si

Du skjønner det fortsatt ikke

At jeg bare ikke har noe å gi

 

Ba deg om å ikke rope så høyt hva som er på gang

Kunne ikke vi ha funnet ut av det først

Spiller det noen rolle om det er du eller jeg som er problemet

Det funka bare ikke

Jeg kan faen ikke gi deg noen trøst

 

Nå er det ødelagt,

er det ikke

Nå er de verste orda sagt

(Vi skulle holdt kjeft, vi skulle aldri ha prøvd)

Føles som å stryke til eksamen

(Vi burde testa bedre, vi burde ha øvd)

Nå synker hele skuta

Og du ser ut som om hjertet ditt har blitt kløvd

 

Faen, jeg trenger noen retningslinjer..

Henger ikke med når livet svinger..

Du kalte meg en engel, men jeg har horn

Horn, hale og djevelvinger

 

Hva skal jeg gjøre nå?

Jeg har gjort det jeg hadde å gi

Jeg vil ikke se deg sånn her

Kjenner øya begynner å svi

 

Og nå er det ødelagt

Er det ikke

Nå er de verste tinga gjort

(Vi skulle latt være, skulle forblitt der vi stod)

Føles som et tog-kræsj, ting gikk så alt for fort

(Du vil ha meg all-in, men jeg har ingen tro)

Nå synker hele jævla skuta

Og jeg prøvde å forklare og forsvare, men jeg ser det jo nå

at du tydeligvis ikke forstod

 

Jeg ønska meg aldri dine tårer

(Vet ikke med deg, men mine svir)

Jeg prøvde så hardt å veie alt jeg sa

(Men når jeg sier det høyt er det som å se kniven som glir)

Jeg ønska meg aldri dine tårer

Men uansett så blir det ord som sårer

Uansett så blir det ord som sårer

 

For jeg rota meg inn i noe, og nå er det over

Og alt jeg har nå er ord som sårer

Alt jeg har nå er ord som sårer..

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rolled outta bed by the time you got home from work

(I know, wow!)

Smoked ten in a row, my morning..

I mean afternoon routine is a fucking shit-show

(Welcome to the shit-show!)

Yeah, life is fucking wasted on me

Don’t you doubt it, ‘cuz beieve me: I know

 

Every damn day, in every damn way

It’s all done so damn amateur!

What do you expect

from this suicidal saboteur

Suicidal, suicidal

I’m a suicidal saboteur

 

Went to sleep around the time you woke up

(What!)

Had my coffee..

I mean vodka, that’s vodka in my cup

(Oh, just shut up)

I’m not drunk, I’m just hopeless

Doesn’t even help, life doesn’t hurt any less

 

Doesn’t hurt any less!

I dress for success,

but make no mistake

No matter the outfit, my life is a mess

My life is a mess!

 

And so it goes

Every damn day, in every damn way

It’s all done so damn amateur

What do you expect

from this suicidal saboteur

This suicidal, suicidal..

I’m just a suicidal saboteur

 

I’ve gotten lost in my own thoughts lately, life was finally going a little bit smoother- but suddenly I found myself losing hope again and the feeling of hopelessness took over. I feel like this is the biggest problem with suffering from depression: Once you open that door where the darkest thoughts are created, it’s so hard to close that gate completely.

 

Once you have thought the darkest of thoughts; that life just isn’t making sense anymore and you question if it’s even something you want: These thoughts are SO hard to let go of completely, choosing life a 100% when you’ve felt just how much it can hurt- That is so hard for me to do.. And I wish it weren’t like this, I wish I were not like this!

 

I didn’t mean for this to get this dark. but that’s what happens sometimes when you just let your inner pain flow from mind to virtual paper. It feels like bleeding in a way. And in a way it feels both a little like self-harm, and a little bit (more) like healing. Hence why I call this song “The pain and the pleasure of the poet”.

 

Life IS  both pain and pleasure.. When I die, I want to know that I had the courage and strength to feel all of it. But I feel like there is room for huge improvement when it comes to saving myself from the darkest places of my mind. Now that I have “bled” it all out, it’s time to search for the LIGHT. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s a new start. I wish you a good night, let’s make the most of tomorrow! <3 (I’m not gonna die tonight if I have a say in it!)

 

 

 

 

Oh no

Not this, not again

Darkness is taking control of my brain

I was just getting ready for life again

Now all I want is for it to end

 

I don’t know if it’s even true

if I told you, I really did try

Now I’m writing letter after letter

It’s so hard to find the words

for the final goodbye

Is this the final goodbye?

 

I want to be wiped out from history

I want to escape the feeling of constant misery

I don’t want you to see the worst sides of me

I have lost the will to live

I guess it ain’t no mystery

 

See, I never asked to be born

It always felt like such a big mistake

I could never find my place in life

I can’t see a place for me within the human race

I think I should have been a distant star on the sky

Shining on you a trillion kilometres away from space

 

..and I am so, so sorry

I am sorry for everything I cannot be

I am sorry that you always had to be so much stronger than me

Feels like I’ve died slowly since the day of birth

There’s no room for me here, I just want a hole in the earth

I can feel my heart beat slower, slower..

I just want to be buried, I just want it to be over

 

Thoughts, they torture

I can tell my time has come

Tonight is the time of departure

Is tonight the time of departure?

 

I never asked to be born!

I always felt like such a big mistake!

I could never find my place in life

Could never really fit in with the rest of the human race

I think I should’ve been a distant star on the sky

Shining on you a trillion kilometres away from space

 

(I couldn’t hurt you from there..

I don’t want you to hurt!)

 

Ok, so if I die tonight

Promise me you’ll look up at the sky

and I hope you are filled with grace

Let me be one of the stars, shining down on you

Let me rest up there, a trillion kilometres away

Let me shine on you from space

 

But when I think of abandoning you completely, I am filled with regret..

Maybe I am ready to leave myself right now

but I am not ready to leave you just yet..

I’m not ready to leave you yet!

 

This is my pain, at least I am brave enough to show it

These are my words, from the depths of my mind

This is the pain and the pleasure of the poet

The pain and the pleasure of the poet

I guess it is both the pain and the pleasure that made me a poet..

 

let me verify that the rumours are true: I AM SICK OF MEN 😉 (they are sick of me too ahah 🤪)

 

 

Beautiful, but cold

just like this country

Everyone loves you, no one can come close

Let me closer..

You have so much wrath bottled up that you yearn to expose

Give me all your rage

Don’t you be afraid to hurt me

I’m already hellbound, one you need not save

Hurt me, hurt me, I need the pain

Unleash all your wildest storms on me

I do not fear the rain

 

I want you

I want you!

Savage, brutal, raw

I do not fear you

Give me tooth and nail and claw

I want you, I want you!

You are the only thing that makes more sense to me

than the very Murphy’s law

 

We can be a beautiful disaster

One in the moment, I don’t need no happily ever after

Beautiful but cold, just like this country

Freeze my blood, make me blue

Some lust and long for the warmth

I just lust for you..

Let me closer..

Let me in!

I do not need to fight you

I’ll be happy to let you win

Hurt me, hurt me, I need the pain!

I do not fear you

I’ll let you be my bane

 

I want you, I want you, I want you!

Savage and brutal and raw

You can not scare me

Give me tooth and nail and claw

I want you, I want you, I want you

You’re the first thing that’s making sense to me

since I heard of Murphy’s law

 

I need you!

I need your cold embrace

I don’t want to look at anyone else

I just want to look at your face

Let me closer

I am drawn to your hate

At times I feel it too

Hurt me hurt me hurt me

I won’t judge you if you do

I need the pain!

I will never force you to restrain

Unleash all your wildest storms on me

I do not fear the rain

 

I want you!

I want you!

Let all your demons out, I swear I have them too

Be savage, be brutal, be raw

I do not fear you

Give me tooth and nail and claw

We are two wrongs, we are women of wrath- together we can be right

Let’s defy Murphy’s law

 

 

Ta alt du sa tilbake, tilbake

Voktet over det vi hadde som en likvake

For nå er vi ingenting, ingenting

Du går framover, jeg spinner rundt i ring

(OK!)

 

Faen, så gal jeg var etter deg en gang

Nå er jeg bare gal, heh

Hjertet mitt som en gang stod i brann

Stump den jointen din i askebegeret

Der har du det som er igjen av hjertet mitt, mann

(Ok, ok, ok)

 

Tørk av deg det fliret, før jeg slår ut tennene dine

Lobotomer meg, ta alle minnene mine

Jeg prøver hardt å være realistisk

Må faen ikke fantasere om deg

Det blir så jævla sadistisk

Er jeg ensom? Er det trist?

Er jeg desillusjonert, er jeg synsk?

Er du ond eller bare dum?

Uansett så burde jeg ha visst

 

Du sa at å rappe på norsk er for tapere, tapere

Men jeg har skrevet nok om deg på engelsk

Og enda gjør du meg svakere, svakere

Du går fremover, jeg spinner rundt i ring

Jeg føler fortsatt ALT, du føler ingenting. INGENTING!

 

Faen så gal jeg var etter deg en gang

Nå er jeg bare gal, hah

Ok. ok, ok!

 

Har bare orda igjen, prøver å skrive deg ut av systemet

Du knuller meg fortsatt i hodet mitt, der har du hele problemet

DER HAR DU HELE JÆVLA PROBLEMET, OKAY!

Rapper på norsk som den taperen jeg er, WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?!

Å bli bedratt svir som faen, om du sier BEDRA eller BETRAY

 

Faen så gal jeg var etter deg

Nå er jeg bare gal, hah

Av og til tenker jeg at alt er din feil, din feil

Hjernen min knuste

Du seiler videre for fulle seil

Og jeg spinner rundt i ring

Jeg vil føle sånn som du gjør

Jeg vil bli kald og hard og føle

INGENTING

 

Ser deg smile falskt på det bildet ditt, og tenker at alt jeg var for deg

Alt jeg var for deg, var å stille som vampyrens blodgiver

Stole på deg? Alt du har å gi, er tortur til alle tider

ALT DU HAR Å GI!

Er tortur tortur tortur, til alle tider

 

Er du ond eller bare dum, uansett burde jeg visst

Nå har jeg for faen blødd tom, så la meg være den som ler sist

Alt du kan tilby, er tortur til alle tider

Jeg er faen så ferdig

som vampyrens jævla blodgiver

 

OK!