I’m sorry that my mind is such a dark place, and the words that breeds from that darkness should probably not see the light. But they are the tools I have to keep myself alive, and honestly I don’t know anymore if that is a good thing or a bad thing, because while they keep me alive they do not set me free either.. And that is all I want, to be free. Free from myself, most of all. Is it only death that can grant me that freedom..? Am I capable of thinking and feeling in a way that does not torture my soul..? I don’t know.

 

 

My world is imploding

I’m just waiting for my inner demons to press the button, have my brain exploding

Taking the reins of my fragile mind

and turning me into a raging machine

So I can handle being alive

 

No more of this

I can’t force myself through another day

I know you don’t understand

My mind and its wicked ways

and when I’m gone, be honest with your last words

And say it like it is; I wasted all my days

 

I know you expect me to keep pretending

I’ve played this part for you all my life

Well, I ran out of lines

I’m done being your prop, I’m done with this performance

I can’t keep ignoring all the signs

I can’t suppress all the bad memories, when I keep stepping on them like mines

And yeah, they do still blow up in my head from time to time

 

No more of this, no more of anything

These four walls are slowly closing in

I know you don’t understand, you don’t ask and I can no longer tell

All I know is I’m not feeling well

and when I’m gone, be honest with your last words

and say it like it is; Now I’m burning in hell

 

I don’t want to lose touch with reality

but I can’t cope with it much longer

I don’t want to sacrifice my sanity

But that’s the only thing I can do to make myself a little bit stronger

I take these pills, I’m faking smiles, I drag myself through the sleepless nights

and when the day arrives I just turn around and close my eyes

 

Just be honest with your last words, for once in your life

Say it how it is, I wasted all of mine

All the way up to the final deadline

and no one in the room is really feeling sad

’Cuz I was the blackest sheep, and I was always some kind of bad

and I blew up every chance that I had

 

And then you bury me, and I won’t feel a thing

No, I won’t feel a thing..

and that’s all I ever wished for, that’s all I ever wanted

That’s what I dreamed of, above all or anything

For my mind to be silent, and to feel.. nothing