Since I now said ABC I’m just gonna say the whole fucking alphabet too.

Because I always understood my madness on the deepest level even of no one else would or could.

When I first was hospitalized in 2014 at Stavanger Psychiatric Division I was not primarily psychotic. I was experiencing trauma that had been suppressed. And some of you who «welcomed» me know that. I told you. Let me just say that, let me not say what more I’m thinking.

I had all the symptoms of someone re-experiencing severe trauma, and any barely competent doctor or psychiatrist should be able to tell. My teeth are proof enough, let me say that. I’ve been so ashamed of that part, but it IS proof. I have dental records, and I HAVE to use this in court somehow to make sure you NEVER let this ENORMOUS «blunder» that has been done by some of your top most educated crew, ever happen to any other trauma patient you have or will ever recieve in the future. This I will HAVE to do, and if I die before that: Now you are aware, look at my dental records and finish this. FIX THIS!

(Most of all I was perfectly able to TALK about it and I DID. Some of your crew needs hearing aid or frankly: Lose their fucking job if they do not read up on trauma. This kind of incompetence can not fly, land the fucking plane before you kill someone)

Because it DID nearly kill ME. Again, my medical journal is proof. My suicidal attempts are well documented, I’ve read that much. Again, if I die before I finish this- USE MY PROOF to save lives!

ALWAYS remember that every patient comes with a story, and the story MATTERS!!

Well, your «treatment» did nothing good for me. The threats, the fucking belt bed, locking the door to the fucking toilet because you probably wanted me to shit my pants, huh (I didn’t). Humiliate me at my worst moment, right? You pushed me into a manic state, I am sure of it. I had to survive that treatment somehow.. I HAD to feel confident and brave. Because some of you terrified the shit (almost!) out of me.

I’ve heard the stories of your department, A3. I keep my ears and eyes open. I’m watching you.

Because that fucking hospital gets some of the best of us, and fuck- You SHALL treat us with dignity and respect. We are human, we have rights. If not, I’m gonna use my words, my brain, my heart, my all and everything, my whole fucking arsenal of resources and I will use it to metaphorically burn your institution to the fucking ground and build a better one. Just wait.. I will die trying. First, you can freshen up the bipolar department that is E1. The crew that works there deserves it, and us who frequents it as your patients deserve it. It’s fucking worn down and depressing, and beautiful people deserve beauty. Oh, and pay them well.. Job ain’t easy! Also you should focus more on physical movement, that would help. There’s so much more, but maybe someone will help me out in the comment section.

Oh and I’m thinking of a lawsuit against you just so you know, but money doesn’t motivate me so maybe I do it if there’s a group of us… You will have to wait and see. My eyes and ears will always be open, can’t help it. Mama did not raise no fool!

Well, that was it for now. I rarely close my mouth too, he he heeeh.

And if Norwegian Police and Health care comes to take me with force into Stavanger Psykiatriske Divisjon because I wrote this, my voice will be calmer and more determined than everyone ever heard it before. Now you know 😉 Hey ho, let’s go!

Oh: And despite all of the severe mistakes and straight up mistreatment at times make no mistake: This certified lunatic healed myself the best way I could- and fuck let me say it: I’m PROUD of that brain of mine WOOOOH! And all my creative crazy genious people I’ve met in that shithole- YOU SHOULD BE TOO ❤️🤪

and dad, if (let’s just call her) mama Death comes for me now, I am ready.. I can finally say I gave this life my all, and if she wants me in her arms I will embrace her. To some she is a foe, a fear, but you know what dad: I truly believe to the best ones she is the one true angel always on duty. I gave it my best, dad- and if I can- I will be an angel with her. Just know that everyone ❤️ If I can I am never ever letting go and I will always watch over you.

I’m right here. Come what may. I have no fear. Free in life, free in death. That is my belief.