This weekend have been a slacker when it comes to outfits, makeup and hair- but sometimes you need that too.. I didn’t really feel like dressing up or going to parties, but in hinsight maybe I should have- ‘Cuz I’ve been in a mental dump and my thoughts have been pretty negative, and when that happens it can help to shake things up a bit, get out and meet new people, have some fun..
I was social, at least in theory- but the thing about hanging out with family is that it’s kinda accepted to be there but not really be there: Like sleeping on the couch or being glued to your phone- and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
Oh, but i changed two diapers tho’! I’m really afraid when it comes to handling babies (I’m clumsy and clueless, and they are so small and fragile!) but I really want to be an auntie that can help out- so I wanna learn this! I never really got the hang of it with my oldest nephew, he would say «I want Suja to change my diaper!» and a lot of times I would just feel like nah you don’t ‘Cuz auntie Suja doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and it will take for ever and maybe I will mess it up and you’ll be sore or leaking and GAH I can’t handle this», but I always told myself that EVENTUALLY I will manage it like a pro- but then you know what: Kids grow up real fast, and suddenly he was done with diapers alltogether and because I copped out most of the times I never got the hang of it. Not gonna make the same mistake twice!!
But man, you should see me in action, you’d think I was performing open heart surgery or something- I might take it a liiiittle too serious 😅 But ah, babies- they are SO tiny and helpless, I think it’s so miraculous how most first-time mothers just feel comfortable and like they know what their doing just by instinct straight away-I’d be freaked out 24/7/365!!!
This sweater is an old fav, I think a pug’s (is it a pug??) face resemble my face a lot 😂 Same nose, and I have those lines from nose to mouth- haha! So if I ever do feel ready for a kid, I’ll just get a pug 😜
This bag is really cool, it can double as a mini-backpack and I love the lion head. I prefer motives from nature and the animal-kingdom when it comes to prints, details, logos etc.. I mean that is where true beauty is! Found it seconhand, it’s from Topshop originally.
Tomorrow it’s back to work.. I’ve received some really great feedback from my boss & co-workers, and I’ll be honest and say I’m kinda shocked, because I’ve not been satisfied with my own performance- but it feels really good (although a bit surreal) and maybe I just have to be a little more easy on myself. If I keep this up I’m gonna ruin the whole experience for myself and just feel bad about something that should and could be an opportunity to grow and learn a lot from.. Progress, NOT perfection!
I’ve completed some lyrics this weekend, but for the first time I’m not sure if I dare to post it here.. It’s about a really painful personal experience and realising someone you thought you were close to really does not care about or value you at all, betrayal and backstabbing, and I think it’s the first time I’ve written something where I’ve let myself not just feel hurt, but angry too.
I feel like anger is maybe the least accepted emotion, especially for women. Don’t clap back, don’t raise your voice, patch things up, let it go.. Always try to UNDERSTAND, accept, forgive and forget..
But there is a form of integrity in anger, in being able to say «You seriously hurt me, I expected more from you, this is actually worth my response, I have right to feel how I feel about the situation, you walked all over me and of course that upsets me!»
And in allowing yourself to actually let go of people that does something to you that you’d never do to them.
Realising that maybe you are the loyal and true friend here, and that the other person may not deserve you.
Letting yourself feel that anger, and not tell yourself that it is ‘petty’ or you are being a ‘bitch’ (man I hate that word)..
Poetry as therapy, that’s my motto. Maybe I’ll just write it on a piece of paper and burn it.
