It’s just another day

I can’t get up, get on with this life

I never asked for, I didn’t know

What I signed up for

Hellride

I need a guide

Someone point a gun to my head

I have to decide

Join the living or the dead

Halflife..

🌑

And who cares If I live or die

Not me

Not me

And who cares why

My brain implodes under the pressure

Of merely being alive

Does it matter, if I try

I want to feel it all, work through the pain

But there’s tears too bitter to cry

Chasing a life I can’t attain

Do you understand

I don’t think I can live through the madness again

🌑

And who cares if I don’t feel a thing

Not me

Not me

This shit is outta my hands

I’m like a plane with no pilot- nosedive, deathspin, then crashlands

And you never laid a hand on me

Still, you hurt me more than you can see

🌑

This way of thinking will lead to nowhere

And I’ve thought it all before

These words, on repeat in my head

Rings so true, I have to believe

That I am better off dead

🌑

Who cares how it ends

I’ve spent so many years

Inside this head, this bad hood

I can’t get my act straight

Always misunderstood

I know I will lose my mind again

Do you understand

I can’t do a thing, my hands are tied

I couldn’t even kill myself..

Believe me, I tried

🌑

Every choice I make

Is another mistake

And every time I try to turn things around

I lose my damn mind

I can’t find..

I can’t find the road that leads me to somewhere

Somewhere I don’t want to leave myself behind

🌑

And who cares if I live or die

Not me

Not me

I can’t lie

I think I want to die the most

Every battle I’ve fought, I’ve lost

Should I live on, when I can’t pay the cost

The price to be alive is so high,

The crazy shit I’ve done- Always the bad guy

This pain makes me numb

All these mistakes, didn’t learn a thing

Still dumb.. Scum of the scum..

This hell, I know it all too well

Stuck inside my head

Alive or dead..

I don’t know anymore

I’m limping on, but I won’t get far

This bipolar life feels like war

🌑

And who cares if it ends or begin

Not me

Nah, not me

Who cares if I lose or win

I can’t care for myself right now

And if I feel anything at all

I can’t seem to let it show

But I want you to know

I used to feel so hardcore that my heart went sore

Maybe I just couldn’t handle it anymore

But I miss how my heart would swell, with pain, with pleasure

And I miss having a brain I knew so well, a brain that could handle the pressure

Maybe I’m delusional

When I think back, I can’t remember handling anything at all

And there never was a backbone to handle the fall

And when you lose yourself, there is no one to call

🌑

Who cares if I hate myself to pieces

And who cares if this bipolar cycle never ceases

I used to think there was a blip of hope on the radar

I used to look up at the sky, begging the universe to give me a leading star

But the darkness grows inside my skull

And I know I eventually have to subdue to the raving, raging manic bull

🌑

This crazy, terrifying demon that lurks at the back of my mind

The key to staying sane, I just can’t find..

I don’t want to see more of this psycho bitch..

I’d rather go blind

I don’t know who I am anymore or how to feel about myself and all the psycho shit I do

The worst thing is, I know that goes for everyone around me too

And I don’t want to be in this state

But truthfully, I was always a very easy person to hate

 

And who cares..

Who cares if it was always too late

To wipe the slate

You can’t always choose your fate