I am at war with myself
There is a battlefield behind these eyes
and I can not win
What was it all for
All those years I could barely breathe
I promised myself that at some point in life
At some damn point
I would figure it all out
I would figure myself out
And yet here I am
A paradox, a mystery
And still I have this terrible feeling
That I have yet to see the worst of me
There never was a future in this dark, twisted mind
I can only stare into this black void
I figure it’s my grave
And sometimes I have to go to sleep just so I can pretend I’m in it
That I don’t ever have to wake up and be me again
This weak, tormented, shallow piece of shit of a human being
That always says the wrong thing
Always takes the wrong turn
Always ends up self-sabotaging
Hurts anyone who gets close enough
Does it matter that I never mean to?
I’m still leaving you with scars
I had to burn all the bridges
I had to let them go down in flames
I am a damn island now
Stranded here with my worst enemy
My fucking self
I try, but it’s never enough
And I hate myself, because now I’m too afraid
Told myself I could do this
But prove every day that I just can’t
The black void is expanding
I am getting smaller
No wonder no one can see me
I am just a shadow now
Just a shadow..
And the terrifying thing is
How comfortable I am with this
The grave staring at me
I long for it so bad
Just sink my fingers into the dirt
And let the earth consume me
For it to just be over
But I see this little girl sometimes
All she had to carry
All she had to endure
How brave she was
How strong she had to be
And I ask myself
How could I let her turn into me..?
Death will stay faithful
And I guess that’s why
I can give myself
a little more time
