If I had to sum up this (and to be honest, most) weekend in one word it would be.. Foodbaby! Man, I’ve said it before: This girl likes to eat!
I’m the type that will eat dinner at home, and then if someone suddenly invites me over for dinner I’m like.. «Ok, lemme just change into some bigger pants!»
That’s what happened yesterday.. I had to send the last picture to my friends, because.. Haha 😂
It’s quite a victory for me though, being able to enjoy food fully and having a more relaxed relationship to both food and my own body. I used to have serious eating-disorders, but I’ve come a long way. The most important part for me has been accepting that I can’t always eat 100% as «I should» and still avoid relapsing. I sometimes eat «too much» or «bad food» (by that I mean food that used to be forbidden or that I had to resort to bulimia in order to enjoy). I can enjoy eating junk food without feeling guilty or dirty, and I can eat whatever I want without that terrible urge that «Now I have messed up, I have to keep stuffing myself until I purge myself by throwing up». I feel like I finally have a healthy relationship with eating, and for me the biggest clue was being able to allow myself anything I want, and not having to be extremely rigid about what I eat. I think in a way my bipolar disorder has helped me a little there, because when I get hospitalized and heavily medicated I can gain a lot of weight really fast- but I just had to learn to accept it, that sometimes my body changes and it’s out of my control- and also, body fat does not scare me anymore- I was 90 kilos at the most and to my surprise that was the first time I was able to stop scrutinizing my own body and instead focus on what I liked about it- and I really loved having some serious curves! (And I’m kinda bummed I’ve lost them again, but baah..) In 2022 I wanna be more physically active, but damn- I will also EAT 😁 Life is too short, to not enjoy good food!
