I keep looking into myself with critical eyes

I don’t always like what I see

The older I get, the more I realise

I don’t really know anything at all

And I am still so far from

The human I want to be

 

I never want to hurt anyone intentionally

I finally reached the point where I don’t constantly hurt myself

But I don’t always act or speak rationally

And people walk around with scars I gave them

And I can’t always reach out and save them

From what I should know better than to do

And now I’m scared that, scared that..

One of those people, could be you

 

What can I say, but sorry

But sorry doesn’t work

No, sorry doesn’t work

When you reach a certain level

Of being hurt

I should know, I should know

 

I never treat people like games

I don’t trick, I don’t play

But I have too many words in my arsenal

And some of them I should never say

I am too old, to be excused

I hold myself accountable for my mistakes

But some of them don’t just hurt myself

And other people’s pain is something you just can’t erase

 

What can I say, but sorry

But sorry doesn’t work

No, sorry doesn’t work

When you reach a certain level

Of being, being hurt

And I should, I should know!

 

I’ve bled from wounds and I have cried myself to sleep

I have been cut off from people I really wanted to keep

I have been dumped, as a lover, as a friend

And I know I will experience it again

But I also sometimes cut into someone elses skin

And I start things I should know better than to begin

Family, love affairs, friends..

I’m not made for «forever», it seems

I’m just made for bitter ends

 

So what can I say, but sorry

But sorry just don’t work

No sorry doesn’t work

When you reach a certain level

Of being, being hurt

 

I should know, and I do

And I am sorry if I hurt you

But sorry doesn’t work

No, sorry just don’t work

When you reach a certain level

Of being, being hurt..

 

 

 

To the child I used to be- I’m not doing it against you. I’m doing it for me.

 

 

 

I get it, why you think I’m cold

I was once this damaged child, and now I guess I am too old

But I am still working through the wires in my head

And there’s still so many versions of whatever may be false, may be truth

That I have yet to unfold

 

I tried to make myself clear

I’m sorry that, sorry that..

It wasn’t what you’d like to hear

And my heart, my heart do care

But my own voice, in my own mind

Oh you gotta understand!

I couldn’t let that voice just disappear

 

I turned it off when I was a child

That’s what, that’s what they wanted

My mama used to say «You’re too wild’

My teacher said «You are too quiet»

Then I got dumped by my only friend

She said «We always argue»

And there was this wicked, wicked man

He said «You never speak of this again»

 

I could never understand

All I knew, was I was wrong

I could never comprehend

What to do, to just belong

 

I tried to make myself clear

I’m sorry that, sorry that..

It wasn’t what you’d like to hear

And my heart, my heart do care

But my own voice, in my own mind

I can’t and I won’t

Tell that voice to just disappear

 

I’m good at giving what you want

I’m too damn good

To the point where it does not feel good for me anymore

I accept, I see, I listen, I don’t complain

I never ask you to return the same

But then I start to burn with shame

You don’t get it

But I have to face myself in the mirror

And the child I used to be yell at me

»THIS IS NOT WHAT I ALMOST DIED FOR»

And Yeah, guess I cared for you

But I care for her, oh so much more

I care for the child I used to be, so much more!

 

So here they are, the last words I coulda told ya’

If you knew I write lyrics and post them here

Or sing ‘em in the shower

But you don’t really know me, huh

Funny how I know your lifestory in full, huh

Well, it doesn’t matter

The chapter is closed

And I’m a little closer

To the child I used to be

The child I used to swear

That I one day would set free

And now I see

She’s the one

She’s the one

Doing it for me