To the child I used to be- I’m not doing it against you. I’m doing it for me.
I get it, why you think I’m cold
I was once this damaged child, and now I guess I am too old
But I am still working through the wires in my head
And there’s still so many versions of whatever may be false, may be truth
That I have yet to unfold
I tried to make myself clear
I’m sorry that, sorry that..
It wasn’t what you’d like to hear
And my heart, my heart do care
But my own voice, in my own mind
Oh you gotta understand!
I couldn’t let that voice just disappear
I turned it off when I was a child
That’s what, that’s what they wanted
My mama used to say «You’re too wild’
My teacher said «You are too quiet»
Then I got dumped by my only friend
She said «We always argue»
And there was this wicked, wicked man
He said «You never speak of this again»
I could never understand
All I knew, was I was wrong
I could never comprehend
What to do, to just belong
I tried to make myself clear
I’m sorry that, sorry that..
It wasn’t what you’d like to hear
And my heart, my heart do care
But my own voice, in my own mind
I can’t and I won’t
Tell that voice to just disappear
I’m good at giving what you want
I’m too damn good
To the point where it does not feel good for me anymore
I accept, I see, I listen, I don’t complain
I never ask you to return the same
But then I start to burn with shame
You don’t get it
But I have to face myself in the mirror
And the child I used to be yell at me
»THIS IS NOT WHAT I ALMOST DIED FOR»
And Yeah, guess I cared for you
But I care for her, oh so much more
I care for the child I used to be, so much more!
So here they are, the last words I coulda told ya’
If you knew I write lyrics and post them here
Or sing ‘em in the shower
But you don’t really know me, huh
Funny how I know your lifestory in full, huh
Well, it doesn’t matter
The chapter is closed
And I’m a little closer
To the child I used to be
The child I used to swear
That I one day would set free
And now I see
She’s the one
She’s the one
Doing it for me
