I can’t be like this

Can’t look myself in the mirror anymore

Can’t recall if its always been like this

Or if I was in any way different before

 

Can’t take no more

There’s nothing left to dull the pain

I try each day to change

But I can’t seem to

Hence the self-hatred remain

I fear it’s pushing me over the border

Makes me lose my mind again

 

I miss wanting to make you laugh

I miss the urge to smile

i need some motivation

Feel like the struggle is worth the while

I want to find pleasure in the smallest things

I want to believe in myself, tell myself I can fly away from this version of me I’m starting to hate..

But this self-doubting is cutting off my wings

And lately I’ve been telling myself it’s too late

 

I’ve been here so many times before

I’ve told myself so many times

«I ain’t doing this destructive shit no more»

Maybe that’s why I just can’t change

A positive mindset is so hard to arrange

I’m so scared of my own thoughts..

They can get so strange

One day I’m fine

Then the next day I wake up and I’m outta my mind

 

It’s so hard to know how hard I can push

And if I can even trust the lust I feel for life

I’m always balancing on the edge  of a knife

I want to be brave

I want to break the chains in my head that is keeping me a slave

I want to grow

I want to be so much more

Than I am now

But how?

 

One step at the time

It goes slow but it’s alright

I have learned the hardest way

Maybe someone can, but

I sure do not change over night

 

One step at the time..

Right now, I’m doing fine

I have control over my own mind

(It can change so fast..)

At least I’m no longer stuck in the past

 

Gotta accept

There is so much I have yet to learn

And self-acceptance takes time to earn

Just try, always keep trying

Let go of these thoughts that I’m dying

I am learning to regulate the pain

And if I go insane, that’s shit luck

Nothing else to do than start over again

 

I am working on going from my own worst nemesis..

To becoming my own best friend

Silence the cruel critic inside my head

Tell myself kindly: I can do this!

I can, I will do this..

 

Doesn’t matter how long it takes

Or if I sometimes gotta hit the brakes

That I sometimes hit and miss

I can do this!

I can, I will do this

It may not be smooth, but I’ll make it through

C’mon 2022

There is hard work to do 👊🏼