Ok, so today is the big «out of the comfort-zone and back to business»-day and I am really nervous but also really excited! I was really lucky to get this job, in the midst of Covid and everything, and I was REALLY lucky that I was wanted back after a looong recovery process from my latest manic episode.

Not only am I bipolar, but I’ve also struggled with really severe anxiety and I have let it take far more control over my life than I am proud to admit- but it’s the brutal honest truth. There’s been so much that I just couldn’t do because the anxiety attacks were too much for me to handle, it’s really hard when you feel like you are going to die if you don’t escape the situation- and then the only rational thing to do is to escape (fight or flight- and I’ve done my share of the flight!) and I’ve tried for years to find ways to deal with it but the past 6 months I’ve really made a huge break-through, and for that I’m so damn proud of myself! I’ll write more in debth about it later. Point is, yeah going back to this job and having to perform, is a huge trigger for my anxiety and it’s also a challenge for me to do something I don’t feel like I’m very talented or experienced in doing (I tend to avoid being a «newbie» or a rookie in things, because if progress doesn’t come immediatly then that becomes further proof to me that I am in fact completely useless and dumb as a brick, and that feeling is SO painful when you lack self esteem) but my main focus is going to be dealing with this the best I can, and I’m gonna work HARD on my own mentality and be really supportive, understanding and patient with myself! I try to think about how I talk to my nephew when he tries new things, how I encourage my 3 year old precious darling is how I want to encourage and support myself, because that is what the insecure and overwhelmed little girl I carry inside of me needs to hear! There is a part of me that hasn’t been nurtured the way I needed, and as an adult it is in my power to do this. I know I can!

Annonsørinnhold

I butikk nå: Sommerens lekreste kjoler

I can’t go into this expecting to be perfect, I will be clumsy, make stupid mistakes and ask a million dumb questions- And that’s okay! What I can control is being eager to learn, do the best I can, and be a positive, polite, reliable and humble co-worker and employee.

I use an uniform at work, so I felt like how I dressed was not that important- something that’s easy to change out of so then a cardigan is perfect. This one is really special to me, it used to be my dad’s and I wear it whenever I need some extra courage- it’s my ’comfort blanket’. Pants are River Island.

Can we talk about these shoes..? I found them secondhand years ago, they are originally Zara and suede with sparkling studs at the back- so pretty! And the heels are not too high 😅

Aaand still obsessed with this 20 year old bag, hah- but that is kinda always my goal when I buy something- that I want it to last and still fit my taste even after decades passed.. I try to think long-term when I make a purchase, and only get things I really love- that way I don’t get sick of it after just a few wears. One of my pro-tips for shopping is asking myself «Ok, so I like this now- but can I see myself rocking this as a 40/50/60/100 year old?» 😅 It might sound weird if you are easily swept away by trends, but.. I like this way of thinking and I’m sticking to it 🤷‍♀️

I’m meeting my fav human after work, so I know that no matter the outcome- today will be a good day. Wish you one as well 🌹