Eg ber dåkker bare om ein ting, klanen min..

Just be in the light with me.

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

Stå i lyset med meg og bare pust  ❤️

Me e engler alle sammen. No fear ✝️☮️✡️☪️

Hell is NOTHING, I know, I’ve been there 👊🏻👊👊🏼👊🏽👊🏾👊🏿

Sunni/Suja/ Solgaven 🔥

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

You are either with or against me

👊🏻👊👊🏽👊🏾👊🏿

Nå blir det psykologisk krigføring her inne som verden aldri før har sett 😇

Men jeg skal holde på pistolen og slippe bombene én og én.

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Pps. Don’t send help. Don’t send weapons.

I GOT THIS.

Hilsen Suja for Satan Kvivesen!

To my tribe ❤️

&

for my tribe 🩸

I am walking in the dark, but I have no fear

I know exactly who and what’s waiting here..

I have to do this, do this for me so I can be more for you.. And more for me.

Let’s be more of ourselves together!

Yeah, I am walking through darkness

and my heart aches

But that’s the price of loving so hard and it’s so fucking worth it

I have a big heart, but..

I only let the best ones hurt it!

Yeah I love you so much it hurts..

Just don’t worry, my dear

I’ve walked this path before

I know the way.. Trust I’ll find it

and I know how to fight..

No one can take away my light!

I swear I see it!

Come what may, I’ll handle it

I see the light, I’ll enter it

I know some will hate to hear this,

but I swear I’m alright

Walking through the darkness again

This time you’ll just have to let me get it right..

And now I can finally sleep at night

I’m not afraid of the dark

Now I enter the light

and you don’t have to do a thing for me

Just meet me there

Just be there!

Trust!

I’m neither broken n’or am i doomed!

Yeah, I’m hurt and..

I got wounds, but finally I can pull out the knife

(Just let me pull out the knife..)

I’m not broken nor am I doomed-

and now I gotta pull out the knife!

I am strong, I’m healing,  I am

Sunniva Kvivesen, Kvivesen for life ❤️👊🏼

See you in the LIGHT

That’s all I ask, just be there with me..

Jeg var så sikker på hva som ventet meg når jeg så at forrige innlegg hadde fått kommentarer, og jeg har grått så mange tårer over at det ikke var det jeg var forberedt på.. Tårer av den gode sorten, vil jeg si. Takk. Tusen takk.

Jeg har innsett at jeg trenger traumeterapi. Eller, jeg har innsett at jeg fortjener det. For jeg må ærlig si at når det kommer til akkurat det, så har jeg blitt motarbeidet fra flere hold. Selv om jeg har hatt behandlere som har ønsket og anbefalt det for meg. Det er mange som har fått meg til å tvile, benekte, prøve å glemme. Og jeg har prøvd å gjøre det dere vil, virkelig. Men det tar livet av meg. Det gjør bare at jeg må fortsette å traumatiseres. Og det er helt ærlig så jævlig lite fair. For fy faen for en pris jeg har betalt for andres skyld. Og hvorfor..? Hvorfor? Hvorfor krever dere så umenneskelig mye av akkurat meg..

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

Så nå lar jeg meg selv gjøre det, endelig. Om jeg så må gå privat.

For deg, lille og store Sunniva som alltid har måtte være så forbanna sterk og som alle har vært så OK med å la bære alt det tyngste alene. This is for me.

Og har noen et problem med det, så kan dere holde kjeft eller si det til trynet mitt, ærlig talt. Men dette skal jeg gjøre. Jeg skal gjøre det så jeg kanskje omsider kan få sove på nettene igjen, så jeg kanskje kan slippe skam og tvil, så jeg kanskje klarer å se fremover- men mest av alt så jeg kan få lov til å ha et rom å gå til der jeg slipper å være så FORBANNA sterk og tøff, og det at noen klarer å stå i akkurat det og bare ser og hører meg.

Skjønn det hvert fall. Unn meg å bli sett og hørt i det minste.

For det er det som river mest, det er som er det største såret. At ingen ville se, at ingen ville høre. Faen, at ingen ville tro.

Jeg trenger terapi for å komme over mye, men aller mest det tror jeg.

Tilgi meg for det.. Men jeg trenger kanskje hjelp til å tilgi noen jeg også.

Jeg vet ikke om jeg har behov for å skrive så mye mer her på en stund, så hvis det blir stille fra meg igjen så er jeg nok bare opptatt med å puste ❤️ Men ønsker en riktig god sommer, ta vare! Vi snakkes nok igjen.

Og en siste stor takk til dere som bare lar meg være her inne, i terapi og lekerommet mitt, at dere aldri kommer med ubehagelige spørsmål eller kritiserer hva enn jeg føler. Jeg får enten stillhet eller støtte, og det er vel akkurat det jeg trenger her. Thank you.

I don’t have to make threats. I just need to BREATHE.

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

I’m sure if there’s a Hell the pyre is burning, ready for you

But I can’t bank on that

I need you to burn in this life

I could say what you did and everyone would agree

But you know that I know- that’s enough for me

I know you remember the parts I forgot

That’s why these words are fuel to the fire burning hot

Here’s hell in this life, fucker

The little girl learned how to write

Wrote a letter, sent it far away

Someone knows the full story, and now I say:

You should have murdered me when you had the chance

I know you got regrets

I know you break out in sweat

I know you’re torn between desire and hate, and it fills you with rage

You’re smart enough to know you can never breathe safe

I got the advantage here

‘Cuz all I feel is HATE

You wanted to be god

Well, so let me be the devil

Your tragic «heaven»will burn from my hell

Turn off the lights now, you shit

Let’s see who’s really afraid of the dark

I know you’re watching, watching ‘cuz you could never look away

Every time I got cornered, there you were

Here you are

Watching, watching

‘Cuz you can’t look away

I’m sure your eyes are bleeding now

«Destroy the child, break her, doom her»

Says the wicked man who wants to be god..?

Well, so BE god..

and I’ll be the devil

I knew I was stronger than you then

I want to see if I am stronger than you now! Now that I am destroyed broken DOOMED-

and it doesn’t scare me!

But damn, it should scare you..

You should have murdered me when you had the chance!

The little girl learned to write, left clues hidden EVERYWHERE..

Wrote a letter, sent it far away..

Someone knows the full story.

Someone knows every name.

Someone knows every crime.

Someone knows.. Someone knows.. Someone knows.. Someone knows what to do when I die..

I know you’re watching, you can’t look away! Someone knows you wanted to be god.. So turn the lights off and meet your devil

I want to know, I want to know..

What will you do?

DESTROYED BROKEN DOOMED

I AM STILL STRONGER THAN YOU

Someone knows what to do when I die..

But first I will turn off your lights..

Yeah, I know what you wanted me to be.. You used my own birth against me.. 24/12/1987.. But I’m not your little Jesus, I’ll be your devil.. And I will set fire to your personal «heaven»

Someone knows, someone knows, someone knows..

And they are watching us both

Now you know.

Oh, and you are..

You are DESTROYED, BROKEN, DOOMED 

Finally the fight is fair, huh.

Turn off the lights.. I dare you.

You’re so far from a god, your’re just straight up evil

Turn off the lights and meet your devil!

I know you’re watching, watching, you can’t look away..

I know you hear me when I say:

Destroyed, broken, doomed- or so you’d reckon

But I was never your little victim, I am the cold blade pressed against your neck;  I AM A WEAPON

and all I have to do is..

All I have to do is breathe

..and you burn

She got a

pretty name and a pornstar pussy

But I don’t wanna get sued so

let’s call her Betty BOP!

So I met her at a club right before closing time

We were just there to shake our asses but she brought me home

I watched her talk for hours (such a pretty mouth, such a pretty face..)

She told me she had bigger plans

Few years later, I found her on Onlyfans

She’s my Betty Bop

Told me she would stop

but she blew up, got famous

Powder in her nose, big D in her anus

My Betty, Betty BOP!

She got her tits and ass done

Said she had her limits, now they all gone

She’d do it all if you’d only ask, and she has

She’s Santa to these men, but she secretly hates ‘em..

She bought this fire body with their money but it’s starting to feel like Alcatraz

She’s my Betty Bop

Told me she would stop

»But babe, I’m making bank»

Yeah, but baby you’re starting to feel like a septic tank..

My Betty, Betty Bop!

She’s doing coke, she’s doing weed

Pills and alcohol so she can sleep

I tell her she doesn’t need the damn money, girl you need therapy!

Now she’s pissed off, she won’t even speak to me

I just said it outta love, but..

Now she hates me.

She was my Betty, Betty Bop

She said that she would stop

but money talks and that’s all she hears

and if I die right now I doubt she cares

But girl, if you hear this: If you ever do get fed up by those creeps at Onlyfans..

Let me remind you that you once had bigger plans ❤️

My Betty, Betty BOP!

It ain’t poetry.. It’s therapy.

Hey, dad

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

This time I’m talking to ya without being mad

(I’m just sad)

You know how this tale goes..

Life blows again

and I went off the radar..

Well, daddy I am still alive

It doesn’t feel like much of an achievment

Most of all, I’m ashamed

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah..

Life blows again and I’ve been blowing my brains out in my wicked fantasies for the past six months

Stacked up on pills but I already tried and failed at that once

so dear dad..

I just wanted to ask you: How’s life in death?

Your silence speaks louder than words..

(God, how I long for the silence!)

That’s all I want!!

Hey dad!

Can you hear me?!

I know you can’t, but I’m screaming anyway

Can I reach to your kingdom of silence

Hey dad, save a spot for me there..

Yeah, yeah, yeah..

I’m suicidal again, don’t tell my doc

I can’t do the electro shock

but I can’t seem to do better so..

Dear dad, how’s the kingdom

The kingdom of, kingdom of silence..?

Hey dad..

Mama’s been my rock again

I wish I could tell you we figured shit out before this curse took me a prisoner too

(but you are within the walls of the kingdom of silence, silence)

She never stops fighting for me

I guess that is the biggest reason I can’t join you yet

(in the kingdom of, kingdom of silence)

Oh dad

I’ve always wondered if it was somehow my fault that you died

and I know you can’t answer that

I’ve cursed time for running out on you

Now I pray for the same fate

(I can’t do a long life of this)

But dad, hey:

I can do a little longer

A little longer.. I think.

It’s okay that you don’t respond.. The silence is answer enough.

Hey dad

(I know you can’t hear it but..)

I’ll join you soon enough

(life feels so long in darker times, but it IS short)

Yeah, I’ll go there too when my time runs out..

To your kingdom of, kingdom of..

Kingdom of silence

That’s all I want!

The kingdom of silence

I know you wait there..

I can feel it’s written in the stars, I am walking my father’s path

and I too will die young

But dad, first I’ll TRY to live

Yeah, I can do a little longer

Before the kingdom of silence awaits

I know you wait there!

In the kingdom of, kingdom of silence

(Thanks for the talk ❤️)

Jeg er ikke god på sånne “tenke høyt” type innlegg, men jeg gir det et forsøk. Status quo? Fortsatt ikke deprimert. Men veldig medisinert, bah. Jeg ser ikke skikkelig og er enda mer nærsynt enn før. I tillegg er jeg treig i bevegelsene, har mye matlyst, mister sinnsykt mye hår, er veldig rastløs; har null konsentrasjon, og har problemer med å sove og problemer med å stå opp.

Og jeg føler meg så lite fresh! Har gått opp i vekt her inne og trynet mitt ser så slitent ut.. Sminke hjelper ikke en dritt. Jeg tenker for første gang i livet at jeg har blitt ei gammal kjerring, hah.

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

Nå er jeg hjemme på perm, hatt kvalitetstid med venner og familie. Det hjelper jo på humøret. Men jeg gleder meg til denne rastløsheten gir seg, til jeg klarer å konse igjen, til å få synet tilbake skikkelig, og ja.. Bli meg selv igjen 100% rett og slett.

Men jeg er takknemlig for at den store nedturen ikke har meldt seg ennå, altså. Vanligvis går jeg jo laaangt ned i kjelleren etter en manisk periode, med suicidale tanker og hele pakka. Det hadde vært så deilig å slippe det nå. Krysser fingrene for at depresjonen holder seg unna meg, så jeg kan plukke opp livet igjen og gi alt..

God natt!

Reposting this old song I wrote, because it kinda fits the current shituation (not a typo!).. My dad was my closest ally in life, and without him is.. Well, battlefield life ya know. Also taking the opportunity to post a more glammed-up version of myself than the ugly face I’m currently sporting.

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

I dreamt about my father,

He said:

‘Surely kid, I get that you miss me

But you gotta find a way

to set yourself free

From the guilt that weighs you down

From the pain and the misery

Darling child o’ mine, I know you feel guilty..

But you must begin to live your life

Live your life..

Take it from me, it goes by so fast

Hold on to the light and let go of the past

These troubled times must eventually pass’

❤️

Daddy if I die

Will I find you on the other side

Are you waiting for me beyond this realm

Daddy if I die..

Daddy, sometimes I wish I would

Don’t blame me if I try

❤️

In the dream he spoke to me

Said: ‘Child, if you could see what I see

How much more you could be

If you just put your efforts on living

And treated yourself more forgiving

Death is for the dead, you must remain with the living

I’m cheering you on from the other side

But darlin’ child, you must live your life

Live your life

These troubled times must eventually pass

❤️

Daddy if I keep breathing

Will it be worth it some day?

Right now I’m just wasting time away

Daddy please don’t leave me

I need you to stay

❤️

Once I went crazy, heard my dad in my head

And for a moment I forgot he was dead

I saw him walk towards me, I thought it was real

We believe what we see, we believe what we feel..

And I heard him say: ‘Child, you gotta live your life

Live your life..

I’m always by your side

Now go ahead and live your life’

But daddy, I don’t know how

Dad, guess I have to figure it out somehow!

I gotta figure it out!