Har endelig samlet opp nok outfits til å gjøre dette innlegget 😅 Urutinert, jeg? Alltid. Ellers kjenner jeg at jeg er litt lei vinter nå altså.. Eller kanskje jeg bare er lei av meg selv..? Det er så mye jeg vil endre på, og jeg skulle helst ha gjort det med ÉN gang- men det klarer jeg jo ikke. Så jeg går rundt med en solid dose frustrasjon, og føler litt at jeg mislykkes hver dag omtrent. Jeg vet bare at jeg vil ha mer ut av livet enn jeg får til akkurat nå, og jeg føler at tiden går bare fortere og fortere jo eldre jeg blir, så jeg begynner å få en klaustrofobisk følelse av at det haster; hvis jeg skal bli det mennesket jeg vil være..  Og så har du tvilen da, om jeg i det hele tatt har det som kreves for å klare det. Av og til lurer jeg seriøst på om jeg utvikler meg i det hele tatt, gjennom dette livet jeg snubler og tryner og vakler meg igjennom.

 

Og der klarte jeg jammen meg å gjøre nok et overfladisk innlegg mørkt og dystert, uuups.. Må vel sies å være min spesialitet 🙄

 

 

 

 

Dette innlegget er forresten inspirert av Vogue’s youtube-serie 7 days, 7 looks. Anbefales hvis du vil se bedre og mer eksklusive antrekk enn det jeg har å by på, hehe.. 😇 Skal helt ærlig innrømme at jeg har omtrent falt helt av lasset når det kommer til hva som er on trend at the moment. Ikke at jeg noen gang har vært spesielt opptatt av trender, i hvert fall å følge dem- men jeg hadde i det minste en viss idé om hva som var in og hva som var ut. Nå klarer jeg ikke å holde oversikt lenger. Et sikkert tegn på at jeg har blitt gammel kanskje? 😅 Eneste jeg vet er at jeg burde brenne skinny jeansene mine, men det NEKTER jeg. Så kanskje jeg bare skal være takknemlig for at jeg ikke vet om alle de andre mote-syndene jeg begår 😅

 

God nesten-helg da folkens 🤗

Maybe we’ll never meet again

Oh, to be honest I kinda hope so

You’ve been more of a foe than a friend

I have loved and I have hated you

Do you even feel anything at all?

Only you would know

 

I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know is

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s

keeping me in hell..

 

Maybe we were never meant to cross paths

I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason

I believe this world is ruled by chaos

Just like it rules my mind

and nothing is ever black or white

but nothing can ever make what happened between us right

Now I ask myself if I feel anything at all

All I know is..

 

I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know, all I know is..

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s

keeping me in hell

 

Yeah, all I know, all I know is

There’s questions that’ll never be answered

and I can’t wait for a grave to bury them in

I can’t fucking wait for death to silence my mind

Until then I’m left with wishing

for a peace of mind I suspect might just be impossible to find

 

‘Cuz I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know, all I know is!

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell!

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s..

It’s the very thing!

That’s keeping me in hell

 

 

Gratulerer med morsdagen, alle mødre der ute! Spesielt til min mama bear ❤️

 

 

You were the one that got all my anger and rage

I feel so bad now, for how difficult I was through every damn stage

I couldn’t always see

How much you gave to me

But you’re the one that has always been there

You’re the one that always had to hold it all together

and I’m so done with anger now

I just want to love you forever

 

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see your courage and strength

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see the hand you were dealt

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I understand why you couldn’t melt

 

Life was never easy on you, but you never complained

You were always so strong, I couldn’t see you were drained

You suffered in silence, you never shared

and still to everyone else, it was always you who cared

When I think of strong women, you’re my number one

You’re such an inspiration to who I want to become

 

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see your courage and strength

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see the hand you were dealt

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I understand why you couldn’t melt

 

 

 

There’s something about the light and the sounds of the day

Helps me keep my feelings at bay

I tell myself I’m doing okay

Then comes the inevitable night

and with the darkness I am led astray

Here’s the words I just can’t say..

 

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so tired of walking in my shoes

All the terrors I have lived through, they play on repeat

And I am a child again, pitted against forces I just can’t defeat

My bones are trembling, I feel so weak

There’s crimes in my past of which I just can’t speak

and I’m so tired of walking in these shoes

It’s that time of the night again

It’s the midnight blues

 

There’s a sense of normalcy during the day

Helps me keep all the monsters at bay

and I can tell myself I’m doing okay

But every day must surrender to night

and then I am no longer doing alright

This is my eternal battle that I must fight

 

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so tired of walking in my shoes

All the terrors I have lived through, they play on repeat

And I am a child again, pitted against forces I just can’t defeat

My bones are trembling, I feel so weak

There’s crimes in my past of which I just can’t speak

and I’m so tired of walking in these shoes

It’s that time of the night again

It’s the midnight blues

 

Little girl, I don’t want to be a little girl again

and I just want to feel safe in this world again

I want to kick off my shoes

and escape all these feelings,

these midnight blues

It’d night again, I lose all my grown-up tools

I go back in time again when darkness rules

 

Oh it’s the midnight blues

It’s the midnight blues

Are these flashbacks something I somehow choose?

What is it about the night that sets me up to lose?

I just call it the midnight blues

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so damn tired

of walking in these shoes

 

I’m not asking you to understand

I’m not begging you to hold my hand

It’s just that right now I am not okay

and this is just my lullaby to myself

made from the words I cannot say

 

It’s my midnight blues

It’s just my midnight blues

 

I should have stayed away

I wish we’d never met

It’s so damn easy, walking down memory lane

It’s so goddamn hard to forget

 

You are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

You are beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

 

I have to burn the pages of you

written in my history

You are not my destiny

If anything, you’ll be the death of me

 

You are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

You are beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

 

I need you light years away

I can’t make sense of anything you say

I need you light years away..

I don’t understand the rules of the wicked games that you play

Antares..

I need to be light years away from you!

 

‘Cuz you are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

How I feel about you is beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

 

 

21 years

I can’t even count the tears

I wish I could cry ‘em with you

like we used to

Do you live on in me?

I’m not half the human you were

So I question sometimes if you do

 

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment burying a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and I have to deal with my own madness..

Getting lost in the blackness

Now I am the daughter of darkness

 

21 years, can’t believe it’s been 21 years

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who still cares

I know it isn’t so

I’m just the only one that feels this level of guilt

That’s why I can’t let go

 

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment burying a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and deal with my own madness

Getting lost in the blackness

Now I am the daughter of darkness

 

21 years, it’s been 21 years

Ever since then, I’ve felt so much older than my peers

Daddy, I’m so worn out by the grief

I need you to come back to life and forgive me

But daddy, I know you can’t

I have to face it, there is no relief

 

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment I had to bury a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and deal with my own madness

Getting lost in the blackness

I was your daughter..

Now I am the daughter of darkness

I am the daughter of darkness..

 

Seemed like such a good idea

I knew one thing for sure, you could handle all of me

Even the messed up parts not everyone can see

I don’t know anymore, if it was brave

or just plain stupid

Should I blame it on myself

Or can I blame it on Cupid

 

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

 

Everyone said it; «You two make sense»

For so long I was on the fence

Then I decided to just dive right in

It felt kinda brave

Now it just feels stupid

I can only blame myself

I don’t have any faith in Cupid

 

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

 

So here we are

We gave it a go, gave it all we got

It ended with a scar

Was it brave,

Was it stupid?

What the fuck do I even know, about this love-shit!

You’ll have to ask Cupid

 

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

 

 

 

Hey there, doctor- in your prison of madness

I know I look wild now, but deep inside I just feel sadness

I know you think I’m completely insane

Well, at the moment I am-so..

It’s all fair game

 

So give me a pill

So I can chill before I kill

(Ah!)

This is just a phase

Let me cool down..

I’m sorry for my viking ways

 

Hey there! Oh, you called the cops?

and told them I just won’t shut up?

Oh, was I screaming in public again

Fuck, guess I am going crazy then

It’s always just a matter of when..

 

So give me a pill

(give me all the pills!)

So I can chill before I kill

(Chill before I kill, argh!)

I promise, this is just a phase

Let me cool down..

I am sorry for my viking ways

 

Uups, I broke the window

and woke up all the neighbours

What do you mean,»It’s the middle of the night»

and what the fuck do you mean, I am not looking alright?!

Why are you looking at me like that?

Do you want to fight?!

 

Oh no, oh no..

I am back at it with my viking ways

My viking ways!

 

Let me cool down..

It’s just a phase

It will get better, that’s what everyone says

Well, I am sorry for, sorry for..

My bloody viking ways

I’m sorry for my viking ways!

 

 

Jeg har ett nyttårsforsett som jeg skal gå all-in for å overholde, og det er at jeg vil skape flere fine dager enn jeg hadde i året som gikk.

 

Kanskje jeg ser på 2023 med litt for kritiske briller (typisk meg-ting å gjøre i grunn..) for det har vært fine dager og stunder for all del! Jeg er vel bare litt skuffa over meg selv for at jeg satt fast i dyp depresjon så lenge som jeg gjorde.. Jeg trodde jeg hadde lært å takle dem litt bedre nå, og jeg kunne nok ha gjort og tenkt mye annerledes så jeg ikke røyk helt i bunnen av min mentale versjon av helvete.

 

Men nå er det gått over i fortiden, og jeg kan bare gjøre meg noen mentale notater over hva jeg kan gjøre annerledes neste runde.. For baaah!! – Det eneste jeg vet sikkert om fremtiden, er at det blir flere runder. Jeg kommer til å bli både manisk og deprimert igjen, og jeg vil legge meg ned og grine høyt når jeg tenker på det, og kanskje jeg burde det også, men herregud! Nå skulle jeg liksom skrive positivt 😅 2024, det ene nyttårsforsettet mitt og greier! Ok, back on track: Dagen i dag! Den har vært fin!

 

Jeg vet ikke med dere, men jeg liker vinter- og den ultimate vinter-opplevelsen for meg er å kunne gå på skøyter på et islagt vann! Og i dag var Mosvannet i Stavanger erklært trygt for dette, yay! Og yay for min søster som inviterte meg med sammen med gutta hennes og Bibi ❤️

 

Jeg elsker å få være med på når nevøene mine lærer nye ting. Elsker å være tante generelt. Så takk for det også, søster min- at jeg kan smykke meg med den tittelen. De kaller meg aldri tante da, jeg er «Suja». Eldstemann klarte ikke å si hele navnet mitt i starten, og jeg elska det nye navnet mitt som han hadde komponert selv- så ingen fikk rette på han hehe. Nå er jeg bare Suja for alle som kjenner meg godt nok, og ikke for å kritisere deg mama bear, men jeg tror jeg liker det bedre enn originalen.

 

Leste en gang at folk assosierer navnet Sunniva med noen som er høy og pen, da passer jeg bedre som Suja gitt. Det høres liksom litt mer ut som meg. Passende for et lavt og sprøtt, ikke akkurat heeelt billedskjønt tante-troll ☺️ Jo, også er jeg Kaptein Dorull. Det er en lang historie, men det startet så klart med en sang.. Den kommer jeg ikke til å poste her, siden jeg skjønner at de fleste som henger på blogg.no ligger litt lengre fremme når det kommer til sin mentale utvikling enn jeg gjør.. 😉

 

 

We don’t hug much in this family

Ya’ll seem so damn successful

Me, I’m just parked in this corner

Fighting for my sanity

 

(I’m sad to say: It’s such a losing game

I can do a lot, but I can’t stay sane)

 

Am I lonely?

If so, I’m so used to it, it’s kinda comfortable

Tell myself I can be my one and only

The sound of silence isn’t uncomfortable

But late at night, that’s when I feel it

I need someone to hold me, that’s when I need it

 

So can you..

Hold me, hold me harder

I can’t be on my side when the darkness creeps under my skin,

and seeps into my mind

So can you..

Hold me, hold me harder

‘Cuz it’s when I need myself the most, I am impossible to find

 

We don’t hype each other up

We don’t talk much at all

I have all your numbers in my phone-list

But it rarely seems like the right move to call

 

When did we become like this?

Have we always been this alien

Is there any love left?

Why is it that when I embrace you

It feels like some kind of theft?

 

Are we lonely?

If so, we’re so used to it, it’s kinda comfortable

Tell ourselves we can be our one and only

The sound of silence isn’t uncomfortable

But late at night, do you ever feel it?

Do you need someone to hold you, is that when you need it?

 

So can I..

Hold you, hold you harder

Can you be on your side when darkness creeps under your skin,

and seeps into your mind?

So can I..

Hold you, hold you harder

I don’t know about you, but for me

It’s always when I need myself the most, I am impossible to find

 

So can I

Hold you, hold you harder

Can you..

Hold me, hold me harder