Sunniva Creative soul with a crazy twist

You and me, like oil and water

Don’t hand over your heart so easily,

I was not made for love babe

I am only built for slaughter

 

Do you want pain, or do you wanna feel alright

I can give you both

So welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

Yeah, welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

 

These hands, they touch good

But if I touch anything for too long

Then they reach for the axe and now you look like wood

And it’s so unfortunate that you still know your ways

around my hood

 

Do you want pain, or do you wanna feel alright

I can give you both

So welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

Yeah, welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

 

Guess I’m just hydrophobic

I don’t mix, and every problem we have is a problem we just can’t fix

Still can’t help it, we don’t mix somehow that’s erotic

And truth is, most of my actions are just straight up idiotic

and I do tend to just not think at all

So I drink until you’re dry

But then it’s back to hydrophobic again

when you break down and cry

 

This tongue may be silky smooth

But if I use it for too long, it turns poisonous

And just because it felt so damn good

Doesn’t mean it’s healthy for either one of us

And it’s so unfortunate how we keep talking when there’s really nothing more we can discuss

 

I really do hate myself

The way I can talk myself in and out

I’ve lost my self-respect, and now I’m straight up disrespecting you

Can’t believe this is what I am about

 

I’m sorry, I’m depressed, I’m fucking suicidal and I forgot all about stuff like being nice, being human, being someone’s sister, friend or daughter

Just keep your heart locked up, babe

’Cuz I was never made for love, no

I was built for slaughter

Yeah, that’s the sad truth babe

I was built for slaughter

 

Do you want pain, or do you wanna feel alright

I can give you both

So welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

Yeah, welcome to the slaughterhouse tonight

 

 

I’m sorry that my mind is such a dark place, and the words that breeds from that darkness should probably not see the light. But they are the tools I have to keep myself alive, and honestly I don’t know anymore if that is a good thing or a bad thing, because while they keep me alive they do not set me free either.. And that is all I want, to be free. Free from myself, most of all. Is it only death that can grant me that freedom..? Am I capable of thinking and feeling in a way that does not torture my soul..? I don’t know.

 

 

My world is imploding

I’m just waiting for my inner demons to press the button, have my brain exploding

Taking the reins of my fragile mind

and turning me into a raging machine

So I can handle being alive

 

No more of this

I can’t force myself through another day

I know you don’t understand

My mind and its wicked ways

and when I’m gone, be honest with your last words

And say it like it is; I wasted all my days

 

I know you expect me to keep pretending

I’ve played this part for you all my life

Well, I ran out of lines

I’m done being your prop, I’m done with this performance

I can’t keep ignoring all the signs

I can’t suppress all the bad memories, when I keep stepping on them like mines

And yeah, they do still blow up in my head from time to time

 

No more of this, no more of anything

These four walls are slowly closing in

I know you don’t understand, you don’t ask and I can no longer tell

All I know is I’m not feeling well

and when I’m gone, be honest with your last words

and say it like it is; Now I’m burning in hell

 

I don’t want to lose touch with reality

but I can’t cope with it much longer

I don’t want to sacrifice my sanity

But that’s the only thing I can do to make myself a little bit stronger

I take these pills, I’m faking smiles, I drag myself through the sleepless nights

and when the day arrives I just turn around and close my eyes

 

Just be honest with your last words, for once in your life

Say it how it is, I wasted all of mine

All the way up to the final deadline

and no one in the room is really feeling sad

’Cuz I was the blackest sheep, and I was always some kind of bad

and I blew up every chance that I had

 

And then you bury me, and I won’t feel a thing

No, I won’t feel a thing..

and that’s all I ever wished for, that’s all I ever wanted

That’s what I dreamed of, above all or anything

For my mind to be silent, and to feel.. nothing

 

Back and forth and back again

From friends to foes, then friends again

These default dynamics, I hate it but not enough to replace..

Never know what I feel like, kissing you in french or just punch you in the face

 

I can’t let go

No, I can’t let go

Was thinking that I know what I needed to know

But it’s just this one thing that remains

And now I realise that it’s keeping me in chains

 

Push and pull and breaking up

Drinking cyanide from the cup

It’s so fucked up, it’s toxic, we both had enough

So why is life when we part ways so effing rough..?

 

I can’t let go

No, I can’t let go

Was thinking that I know what I needed to know

But it’s just this ONE thing that remains

And am I only holding on because I’m forced to by these chains..?

 

I’m sorry I’m the one

I don’t like who I’ve become

Pissed when you’re around

but missing you when you’re gone

and you sure ain’t the only one

That says shit that rubs wrong

 

It’s just that this is the one thing that remains

And in split seconds, it’s alright

But that moment always comes and goes like a lightning bolt, and then it’s back to having stupid fights

and I’m sure we both feel the weight of chains

’Cuz after all, in both our screwed up lives

This is the one thing that remains

It’s the one thing that remains

The one thing that remains..

 

These chains, these chains, these chains..

 

 

For the record, I hate all the songs I’ve written lately and I don’t want to feel any of this.. But I can’t help that I do 😞

 

It’s not like I’m trying to shut you out

All my life I’ve placed all my faith into words

But lately I’ve been feeling doubt

Silence is a language too

More powerful than words at times, huh

You sure don’t understand the words I shout

So when I’m around you now I just close my mouth

I had too much faith in the words I spoke or wrote

Now I’m thinking I only get them wrong

So they choke up in my throat

 

Oh, but living lately makes me feel like dying

And I know it must seem like I am not even trying

Truth is, if I made it to the top of the world

I would still be her inside me, that little invisible girl

And something tells me I’d never reach so far I could earn a place in your heart

Even if I made it all the way to the sun

So where’s the point in trying to shine

No, I’ll just burn out

I just burn out..

 

It’s not like I’m building a wall

I’m just done knocking on yours

All my life, I fought so many wars

All my life,  a résumé of locked doors

But you don’t see it at all

And then you get offended

Because I do not call

but lately I’ve been looking at my phone

and thought to myself me and the words; We’re done

I regret pretty much each word I spoke or wrote

Let them linger in my throat to choke

 

Oh, ‘Cuz living lately has felt more like dying

and I know you think I ain’t even trying

Truth is, if I conquered the whole damn world

I’d still be her, that invisible little girl

and something tells me I got it all wrong from the start

So I’ll never earn a place in your heart

Even if I made it, all the way to the sun

There’s no point in trying to shine

All of me is made up by darkness

I’ll just burn out.. Burn out

and maybe in the end

I have finally become.. Heartless

💔

 

 

All the bridges burn

And I’m just watching, with a cigarette in hand

I always had a feeling that the blood that bound and now break us

All this time, it was really gasoline

And it makes so much sense now

That you seem more and more like a machine

 

I know you think I’m completely useless, that I’m weak, that I’m dumb

I’ve reached that point now, where the pain just makes me numb

and to be frank, I’m back to wishing I’d die soon

and I no longer love you

all the way to the moon

 

You judge me for fucking with thugs

Well, you can all shut up

At least I’m not on harder drugs

And how was I supposed to know my worth?

All I ever learned

Is that love leads to hurt

 

So ‘Scuse me while I fight for my sanity

I’m done fighting for a place

within this screwed up «picture perfect» family

 

All the bridges burn

and I’m just watching with a cigarette in hand

I always had the feeling that the blood that bound and now break us

All this time, it was really gasoline

and it makes so much sense now

how desperately we’re all searching

for some form of medicine

 

All the years that went by, could not force us back into place

I loved you to the moon, until I got lost in outer space

And now the puzzle is missing pieces, and I have pushed you all the way to the border

I guess the last straw broke when I got this bipolar disorder

So I let the gasoline burn, as I watch you twist and turn

You can’t pretend, it shows and I know

Don’t feel bad, ‘Cuz I feel numb and I’m ready to let you go

I let you go

 

This picture perfect family

that has it all in order

and I will live and die alone

with this bipolar disorder

Yeah, ‘till the day I die

It’s me and this bipolar disorder

 

’Scuse me while I fight for my sanity

Yeah, ‘Scuse me while I

fight fight fight

for my sanity

But I am done, done, done

fighting for a place

Within this picture perfect family

So let the bridges burn until you’re free

Your silence always spoke so damn loud

of how you never wanted me

 

Gasoline, all this time..

All the way to the moon

It was gasoline

 

 

 

Warning: Going deeper and darker than I should.. But it’s almost Halloween, so in that spirit.. 😅 (also in my head this is a metal song, and you’re allowed to go deep and dark in this genre, no..?)

 

A lifetime worth of hurt

and no one to turn to

Just me and my cursed words

When have they ever saved me

And yet they are all that remains

 

Oh, I used them

Back when they were all I had

and I could still believe they held some power

Threw them in their faces

Ricocheting right back into mine

 

I wish they’d murdered me then

After all

Allowing me to survive was the ultimate form of torture

 

No one understands the madness

When they had the privilege to forget

And those who do know

Forever keeps their mouth wired shut

 

Stay quiet to your grave now

I will never be the victim of this story

If you think of me

Think of that raging beast of a maniac

You forced me to become

 

I hope you build a castle on the cemetery

I hope you build your empire

A new world

So I can burn it all to the ground

 

There is a form of freedom found in hate

I will never succumb to love again

 

My heart was never broken

I disposed of it

and buried it next to my father

 

And you will never be

a man like him

Will never understand

love like him

and never have to sacrifice

Your mind like him

Never had to jeopardize your sanity

Like we did.. Like I still do

And you never had to be so strong

That it broke you

And I can’t forgive you now

I can’t forgive you now

 

Because I was there to hold you

and I held you while they hanged you

and I carried you when they broke your feet

And in return

You stood there silent

and watched me bleed

Until I had bled dry

I forgot it all

Now I remember why

 

I can’t forgive you now

I won’t forgive you now

 

Stay quiet all the way to your grave now

If you think of me

Think of that raging lunatic, that crazy demon

With eyes pitch black from the hate

(oh there’s such a form of freedom in that rage!)

I refuse to be the victim of this story

and it’s far too late for me to be saved!

 

And you build that castle on the cemetery

You build your empire, your new world

Take over the whole damn universe

So there’s more for me to burn

I sheltered you from the pain once

But now it’s time you learn

 

 

 

So you wander through the darkness

and your heart is filled with sadness

Your mind is on the brink of madness

Keep going..

Keep going.

You feel lost, I know

But you will find yourself on the other side of this

Yeah, you’ll find yourself, find yourself

on the other side of this

 

It hurts when life throws punches in your face

and it sucks to feel like you can’t find your place

When you get lost inside the maze

When there’s no footprints you can trace

Feeling like an outcast from the human race

I know, I know..

But you gotta keep on going on

Keep on going on

You will find yourself, find yourself

on the other side of this

 

If there’s one thing I can tell you

It’s that you can and will make it through

You can and will make it through

If there’s a storm in your life right now, know it will pass

If there’s a devil talking in your head, kick him in the ass

If you feel lost, if you lost hope..

If you feel like you’re at the end of the rope

You do have the power within you to cope

C’mon now, believe me when I say

You’ll find yourself on the other side of this

Find yourself on the other side of this

Stronger, braver, better

Future you are waiting, go get her

Go get her

 

Don’t quit now

and don’t look back

Keep going- forward

Don’t paint the future in black

You feel lost, I know, I know..

and life is tied in one big knot

But you will find yourself, find yourself

on the other side of this

Yeah, you will find yourself on the other side of this

Life will always be a case of hit-or-miss

But you will find yourself, find yourself, find yourself

On the other side of this

 

 

I’m sure you’re doing fine

Popping pills and snorting lines

Yeah, I’m sure you do just fine

Always getting away with all your petty crimes

And sure, none of your remedies are pure

But at least you have a cure

 

Tomorrow you’ll be hang-over

But I’m over here and I’m too damn sober

Counting my mistakes

and now all my nerves got the shakes

God, I need to turn off my thougths!

But I can never hit the brakes

 

I have to..

handle my hurt

But my confidence has been dragged through the dirt

and now I’m questioning what I’m worth

And this feeling is gut-wrenching, it’s soul-crushing

It always sums up to NOTHING

 

Are you out there, having fun?

Do you mind if I borrow your gun?

I could use my brain, painted on the wall

’cuz right now it doesn’t help me at all

 

I fell off my high horse, I’m face down in the dirt

I have to- but I can’t

I can’t handle my hurt!

Yeah, I’m..

Cold sober, I’m straight, I am clean

You’re high, and you’re wasted, you’re mean

and none of your remedies are pure

But at least you have a cure

At least you have a cure..

 

I’m questioning my worth

I’m questioning my worth

Since the day of my birth..

Is there no place for me on Earth..?
I’m questioning my worth

Always questioning my worth..

And argh, it’s gut-wrenching, it’s soul-crushing

’cuz it always, always, always!!

Sums up to NOTHING

 

So tell me, is time the healer..?

Or is it time to just say ‘fuck this shit’

and dial the number to your dealer

 

Ah..

Fuck this shit

Hand me my phone!

 

 

 

Oooh, I’m..

Drowning in my head again

Chained to my bed again

Living like a walking dead again

 

Yeah, I’m so ungrateful

and when I face myself in the mirror

I feel so damn hateful

and I can’t think a constructive thought to save my life

I’m just choking myself slowly

and twisting and turning the knife

in all these wounds that should have healed long ago

 

Ooh, I’m..

Doubting myself again..

Isolating myself again..

Depriving myself of a real life again..

 

Which way?

It’s too dark to see clearly now

Which way?

My feet are too heavy to move somehow

Which way..

 

Yeah, I’m so ungrateful

and when I face myself in the mirror

I feel so damn hateful

and I can’t recall what makes me feel good

and being around anyone at all

just makes me feel all the more misunderstood

and I don’t even get myself

although I know that I should

 

Ooh, I’m..

Getting lost again..

Feeling lonely again..

Losing all hope again

 

Which way?

It’s too dark to see clearly know

Which way?

I know I gotta save myself but I don’t know how

Which way..

Which way..

 

You can’t run from yourself

I guess I’ve always known

and no one can carry you through the worst days

You gotta handle yourself on your own

But it does help, having someone around

Too bad there’s no one left to call, I’ve blocked

pretty much every damn number on my phone

 

Flying high, when you’re already scarred

Means that when you crash, you crash really fucking hard

 

I didn’t think I’d crash this hard

That I would go back to

picturing myself buried at the graveyard

How did I let motivation turn into stagnation again?

I held on to the light for so long

Now the darkness is creeping back into my brain

 

I love you, but staying alive for someone else is not enough

And doing just that, feels more and more like being handcuffed

Looking back, life has always been some type of rough

That’s just the way it is, and that’s just the way it always will be

I have no choice but to be tough

It’s just that I need something, anything right now

That makes me feel a little better

But I can’t figure out what it is I need

and how can I expect to find hope again

when I never water the seed

 

and you are so lucky to have your faith

While I am on my knees

I think I got suicidal at the age of eight

Saw myself hanging from trees

I always lacked a sense of purpose

Chaos and pain, that’s all I ever found

Within the walls of my mind

This haunted place that I am bound

and now I see myself hanging from the trees

So my feet won’t touch the ground

 

Aah, I’m lost again

I’m so lost again

and I’m so tired

fighting against myself

The clock is ticking

While I’m standing still

I am frozen in time again

Always against my will

 

Time waits for no one

and time does run out

and I should be moving

If I could only map out the route

 

Flying high, when you’re already scarred

Means that when you crash, you crash really fucking hard

 

So what, get up again!