Sunniva Creative soul with a crazy twist

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Talking to the dead beats talking to the wall

Lately I haven’t been talking much at all

People come and people go

It’s been 21 years since you died

Still I miss you so..

I just need you to know..

Is there a way these words can reach you?

You never failed me

You never betrayed me

You just died my dear

and I still love you

like I did when you were here

I still love you like I did when you were here!

It’s hard, being alive sometimes

I feel like I’m living in a cage of crimes

It’s true what they say, it’s the best ones who dies

If I said I was grateful that I’m still alive, it would only add to my lies

Bat dad, I really do try..

I’m so scared, that in the end you didn’t know

I loved you so deeply, but in the end- did it show?

You never failed me

You never hurt me

You just died my dear

I love you so much

That was always my worst fear

That you would die before me, my dear

I sometimes think that I buried my heart with you

When you died, I wanted to die too

Living on, that was so fucking hard to do

If I still have a heart, it’s been split in two

I just need you to know

Some things I just can’t let go

It was me who failed you, you know

I still cry because you aren’t here

Cry because you died and I wasn’t there

You never failed, you never hurt me

You just died my dear

You just died, my dear

I want you to know your kids are doing mostly alright

I see parts of you in all of them

and you know that mama always did believe

One day we all will meet again..

(Who knows, she could be right)

Sleep safe forever, I still hold you near

My love for you will never disappear

Take care of the part of my heart that belongs to you, my dear

..and dad, I really do try

When my lover starts talking ’bout the future

That’s when I know it’s time to pull the plug

I can barely handle the present moment

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Besides, there’s only so much I can sweep under the rug

I don’t think he’d like me very much if he knew about all the shit I’m hiding

Why does everybody talk about love like it’s some kinda magic

Isn’t the hard truth that love usually ends up some kinda tragic..?

Don’t give me grand romance

Don’t deliver me sweet words that in the end mean nothing

I want none of that, and if you try to give it: I want to trade

I don’t want a bouquet of roses, I want

I want deadly nightshade

I’ve never been able to plan ahead

When I try to visualize five years from now I always think by then I’ll be dead

I’ve never met a person who fit me like a glove

Got like a billion reasons why I don’t believe in love

Why does everybody crave love like it’s magic?

For me, just the thought of it makes me feel a overwhelming sense of panic..

Do not give me grand romance

and don’t you dare go down on one knee

I want none of it, and if you try to give it I want to trade

I don’t want champagne nor’ wedding bells, I want

I want deadly nightshade

Was there ever a time when I did believe in love?

Maybe, but that was just a part of being young and dumb

I’m not quite sure I’ve learned from past mistakes

I think they’ve just made me go numb

Maybe love IS magic, but for me it’s just never in season

When I think about it, I guess they call it “Fools in love” for a reason..

So no, I don’t want grand gestures of romance

I don’t want whispers in the ear and I don’t want to slow dance

I want none of that, and if you try to give it then I want to trade

I don’t want roses, I don’t want happily ever after, I want..

I want deadly nightshade

I want deadly nightshade

It’s been a shit week

Put your headphones on

While I sing myself to sleep

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(Some things I can only say to myself. Well, most things.. All of ‘em actually. No wonder I’m lonely.. No wonder I drive myself mad)

I know you think I’m cold-hearted

I have my reasons so don’t get me started

I know you think I don’t play fair

To tell you the truth I don’t really care

Where are we going?

I don’t know about you but I don’t have any plans

Been in survival mode like some kinda trance

Guess I forgot you exist again

Death is very hard to resist again

Back to self-hating, self-sabotaging

How do I break this cycle without killing myself?

I know you think I’m a piece of shit

I think so too and I can’t seem to quit

I know you hate how I just don’t care

To tell you the truth: There’s times when we hang out and I ain’t even there

What’s going on?

I try to check in with my soul but it seems to be gone

Painted all my days black

Hope is lost, and it’s not coming back

Missed her funeral, couldn’t stomach it

Life is brutal, life is unfair, isn’t it?

I want out, I want out

But I just got this life to live

You want my honest thoughts?

Nah, didn’t think so, that’s why my phone is off

I think I’ve faked it for so long, I can no longer tell

I’ve been pretending I am okay, but I’m living in some kind of hell

I’m so bloody miserable, can’t stand myself

But no one’s gonna come to the rescue:

You always have to save yourself

I want out, I want out

But I just got this life to live!

Hello, it’s me again

Your least favorite crazy bitch

I know you don’t want to hear from me

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Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

I swear this is my final pitch

(Ah, you know I’m full of shit..)

But seriously I’m trying to get over it!

’Cuz I realise I am completely delulu

For ever thinking I could get you

How many women do you have waiting in line?

How many women do you have on hold?

and here I am, the troll who fell for the prince

Probably the most pathetic fairytale ever told..

Haha, I guess it could be kinda funny

if this wasn’t happening to me..

But it is, so..

FUCK!

Yeah, so hi again

Oh, you don’t give jack shit!

and you don’t want me womansplaining my desperation or my mad desires

I swear I’m trying to get over it!

It’s just that almost every damn night

it’s you I see when I close my eyes

and you do NOT wanna know the dirty things I’ve done to you in my fantasies

Or how fed up I am that it’s all fictional

But the real tragedy is..

I’ll probably do it again tonight

(double fuck!)

‘Cuz yeah I know, I am completely delulu

Delululululu..

For ever thinking I could have you

How many booty calls do you have on standby?

How many nudes saved in your camera roll..?

Ok, I have to remind myself again: I’m the troll in this..

This BLOODY m’fucking pathetic fairytale that’s ever been told!!

Ok, so hi hello and triple times fuck

It’s me, the troll and the psycho bitch

Of course I am shit outta luck!

I wish I’d never looked your way, honestly

and you probably wish for that too

(I know so damn well you do)

But I swear, I’m trying to get over it

I just have to stop fucking you in my mind

You don’t know how hard it is to quit!

But I swear, I swear, I SWEAR!

I am trying so hard to get over it!!

‘Cuz I was and I am completely delulu

Delululululu..

For ever thinking I could get you

Quadruple times FUCK for the one fuck I just can’t have

Quintuple times FUCK for my mind that won’t behave

Sextuple times FUCK for, well.. Us not having any sex

And just one final, quiet, humble fuuuuckkkkk because now I’m going to bed and I’m closing my eyes and I just know I’m gonna dream about you next..

’Cuz yeah, I’m delulu

Worst is; I always knew it but it doesn’t help

’Cuz I still want you

So that’s how it goes:

Delulu, delulu, delulu

Delululululu..

Knowing damn well I’ll never have you

To the one that made me feel

a little less alone

living with scars

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

that no one else can see

💔

You’ve always been my hero

Watched you rise all the way up from zero

Now I watch as people tear you apart

Even though you can’t defend yourself

They trash and they bash you

Label you this and label you that

Think they have you all figured out

Dumb pieces of shit..

Like they could have lived through any of it..

Complicated women, the world sure love to hate us

So damn forgiving of the monsters who made us

Screw you up and then they screw you over

and even in death, they can’t let you rest in peace

Oh babygirl, babygirl

Born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You never really knew it, but

you truly were too good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

Yeah, you were a special one

I can’t believe your time is done

I’m sorry for everything you went through

All the pain you never asked for

All the shit you had no choice but to take

I’m sorry for all the twists and turns of life

Everything that made you feel like you would break

But through it all you stayed true

Never afraid to show your wounds or broken parts

That kind of brutal honesty is rare

That kind of vulnerability, it’s a beautiful thing

To have felt the deepest levels of pain,

and still be able to care

Oh babygirl, babygirl

Born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You never really knew it, but

you truly were too good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

It’s funny how people think they have the right to

Scrutinize every aspect of a life they’ve never lived

Even when that life is over, they stand there with their scalpels

Making incisions and dissections

You die, and they fucking butcher you!

Complicated women, the world sure love to hate us..

So damn ignorant of the monsters who made us

Use and abuse, and it doesn’t even end when we die

You killed yourself..

And not a damn soul really cares about why

But babygirl, babygirl

You were born into a rotten world

Babygirl, babygirl

You truly were to good, and real, and raw

for this fucked up, twisted world

I can’t believe all these people talking smack

She’s dead and she’s not coming back

Let her rest in peace

Let her at least have that

LET HER AT LEAST HAVE THAT

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Welcome inside my head

‘Scuse the lack of light

and beware all my demons

They got razor-sharp teeth and they bite

Ok, now you’re warned, now you know

Ok, so here we go:

Crawling through the broken parts

This is my life, a million pieces on the floor

I spend all my time trying to glue something back together

I don’t want to be this broken anymore

But I am, I am, I am

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

Puked my guts out just to feel clean

What I flushed down the toilet, that’s a visual presentation of how I see myself

“You should not be so hard on yourself”

What does that even mean

There’s too many skeletons in my closet

I can’t even close the damn door

I don’t want this dialogue with my demons

and I don’t want to be this broken anymore..

But I am, I am, I am..

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

It’s hard when the evidence just keeps piling up

I’ve failed and I’ve fallen, and in the end there’s no gain

The bruises on my soul, I can’t camouflage with make-up

and no amount of tears I cry lets go of the pain

It builds up in my brain until it breaks it

I think that’s what makes me go insane

Crawling through the broken parts

This is my life, a million pieces on the floor

I think I’m ready to give it up. I think I’m losing hope

This is my life, and I’m not sure

If I even want it anymore

I don’t want to be this broken

but I am, I am, I am

You say I can be more than this

I’m not so sure if I can

I’m not so sure if I can

Er så flink til å rote meg inn i ting..

Og så dårlig på å rote meg ut av dem..

Er jeg bare tankeløs

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Eller er jeg innerst inne slem..?

Hva skal jeg si nå?

Jeg har sagt det jeg hadde å si

Du skjønner det fortsatt ikke

At jeg bare ikke har noe å gi

Ba deg om å ikke rope så høyt hva som er på gang

Kunne ikke vi ha funnet ut av det først

Spiller det noen rolle om det er du eller jeg som er problemet

Det funka bare ikke

Jeg kan faen ikke gi deg noen trøst

Nå er det ødelagt,

er det ikke

Nå er de verste orda sagt

(Vi skulle holdt kjeft, vi skulle aldri ha prøvd)

Føles som å stryke til eksamen

(Vi burde testa bedre, vi burde ha øvd)

Nå synker hele skuta

Og du ser ut som om hjertet ditt har blitt kløvd

Faen, jeg trenger noen retningslinjer..

Henger ikke med når livet svinger..

Du kalte meg en engel, men jeg har horn

Horn, hale og djevelvinger

Hva skal jeg gjøre nå?

Jeg har gjort det jeg hadde å gi

Jeg vil ikke se deg sånn her

Kjenner øya begynner å svi

Og nå er det ødelagt

Er det ikke

Nå er de verste tinga gjort

(Vi skulle latt være, skulle forblitt der vi stod)

Føles som et tog-kræsj, ting gikk så alt for fort

(Du vil ha meg all-in, men jeg har ingen tro)

Nå synker hele jævla skuta

Og jeg prøvde å forklare og forsvare, men jeg ser det jo nå

at du tydeligvis ikke forstod

Jeg ønska meg aldri dine tårer

(Vet ikke med deg, men mine svir)

Jeg prøvde så hardt å veie alt jeg sa

(Men når jeg sier det høyt er det som å se kniven som glir)

Jeg ønska meg aldri dine tårer

Men uansett så blir det ord som sårer

Uansett så blir det ord som sårer

For jeg rota meg inn i noe, og nå er det over

Og alt jeg har nå er ord som sårer

Alt jeg har nå er ord som sårer..

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Rolled outta bed by the time you got home from work

(I know, wow!)

Smoked ten in a row, my morning..

I mean afternoon routine is a fucking shit-show

(Welcome to the shit-show!)

Yeah, life is fucking wasted on me

Don’t you doubt it, ‘cuz beieve me: I know

Every damn day, in every damn way

It’s all done so damn amateur!

What do you expect

from this suicidal saboteur

Suicidal, suicidal

I’m a suicidal saboteur

Went to sleep around the time you woke up

(What!)

Had my coffee..

I mean vodka, that’s vodka in my cup

(Oh, just shut up)

I’m not drunk, I’m just hopeless

Doesn’t even help, life doesn’t hurt any less

Doesn’t hurt any less!

I dress for success,

but make no mistake

No matter the outfit, my life is a mess

My life is a mess!

And so it goes

Every damn day, in every damn way

It’s all done so damn amateur

What do you expect

from this suicidal saboteur

This suicidal, suicidal..

I’m just a suicidal saboteur

I’ve gotten lost in my own thoughts lately, life was finally going a little bit smoother- but suddenly I found myself losing hope again and the feeling of hopelessness took over. I feel like this is the biggest problem with suffering from depression: Once you open that door where the darkest thoughts are created, it’s so hard to close that gate completely.

Once you have thought the darkest of thoughts; that life just isn’t making sense anymore and you question if it’s even something you want: These thoughts are SO hard to let go of completely, choosing life a 100% when you’ve felt just how much it can hurt- That is so hard for me to do.. And I wish it weren’t like this, I wish I were not like this!

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Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

I didn’t mean for this to get this dark. but that’s what happens sometimes when you just let your inner pain flow from mind to virtual paper. It feels like bleeding in a way. And in a way it feels both a little like self-harm, and a little bit (more) like healing. Hence why I call this song “The pain and the pleasure of the poet”.

Life IS  both pain and pleasure.. When I die, I want to know that I had the courage and strength to feel all of it. But I feel like there is room for huge improvement when it comes to saving myself from the darkest places of my mind. Now that I have “bled” it all out, it’s time to search for the LIGHT. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s a new start. I wish you a good night, let’s make the most of tomorrow! <3 (I’m not gonna die tonight if I have a say in it!)

Oh no

Not this, not again

Darkness is taking control of my brain

I was just getting ready for life again

Now all I want is for it to end

I don’t know if it’s even true

if I told you, I really did try

Now I’m writing letter after letter

It’s so hard to find the words

for the final goodbye

Is this the final goodbye?

I want to be wiped out from history

I want to escape the feeling of constant misery

I don’t want you to see the worst sides of me

I have lost the will to live

I guess it ain’t no mystery

See, I never asked to be born

It always felt like such a big mistake

I could never find my place in life

I can’t see a place for me within the human race

I think I should have been a distant star on the sky

Shining on you a trillion kilometres away from space

..and I am so, so sorry

I am sorry for everything I cannot be

I am sorry that you always had to be so much stronger than me

Feels like I’ve died slowly since the day of birth

There’s no room for me here, I just want a hole in the earth

I can feel my heart beat slower, slower..

I just want to be buried, I just want it to be over

Thoughts, they torture

I can tell my time has come

Tonight is the time of departure

Is tonight the time of departure?

I never asked to be born!

I always felt like such a big mistake!

I could never find my place in life

Could never really fit in with the rest of the human race

I think I should’ve been a distant star on the sky

Shining on you a trillion kilometres away from space

(I couldn’t hurt you from there..

I don’t want you to hurt!)

Ok, so if I die tonight

Promise me you’ll look up at the sky

and I hope you are filled with grace

Let me be one of the stars, shining down on you

Let me rest up there, a trillion kilometres away

Let me shine on you from space

But when I think of abandoning you completely, I am filled with regret..

Maybe I am ready to leave myself right now

but I am not ready to leave you just yet..

I’m not ready to leave you yet!

This is my pain, at least I am brave enough to show it

These are my words, from the depths of my mind

This is the pain and the pleasure of the poet

The pain and the pleasure of the poet

I guess it is both the pain and the pleasure that made me a poet..

let me verify that the rumours are true: I AM SICK OF MEN 😉 (they are sick of me too ahah 🤪)

Beautiful, but cold

just like this country

Everyone loves you, no one can come close

Let me closer..

You have so much wrath bottled up that you yearn to expose

Give me all your rage

Don’t you be afraid to hurt me

I’m already hellbound, one you need not save

Hurt me, hurt me, I need the pain

Unleash all your wildest storms on me

I do not fear the rain

I want you

I want you!

Savage, brutal, raw

I do not fear you

Give me tooth and nail and claw

I want you, I want you!

You are the only thing that makes more sense to me

than the very Murphy’s law

We can be a beautiful disaster

One in the moment, I don’t need no happily ever after

Beautiful but cold, just like this country

Freeze my blood, make me blue

Some lust and long for the warmth

I just lust for you..

Let me closer..

Let me in!

I do not need to fight you

I’ll be happy to let you win

Hurt me, hurt me, I need the pain!

I do not fear you

I’ll let you be my bane

I want you, I want you, I want you!

Savage and brutal and raw

You can not scare me

Give me tooth and nail and claw

I want you, I want you, I want you

You’re the first thing that’s making sense to me

since I heard of Murphy’s law

I need you!

I need your cold embrace

I don’t want to look at anyone else

I just want to look at your face

Let me closer

I am drawn to your hate

At times I feel it too

Hurt me hurt me hurt me

I won’t judge you if you do

I need the pain!

I will never force you to restrain

Unleash all your wildest storms on me

I do not fear the rain

I want you!

I want you!

Let all your demons out, I swear I have them too

Be savage, be brutal, be raw

I do not fear you

Give me tooth and nail and claw

We are two wrongs, we are women of wrath- together we can be right

Let’s defy Murphy’s law