There’s a room without windows or doors

I guess it was a prison cell in hell

I burned inside it for ages

I’ll always remember the smell

The stench of fear and burning flesh..

Why is it always the worst parts of life we remember too well..?

 

There’s no greater evil

Than the devil that talks to you from within

I need armour of iron

And I need to wear it under my skin

 

I made it out, but there was a price

The devil made me roll the dice

I still gotta pay, each and every day

I am just a puppet in the devil’s play

I don’t have complete control

There’s times when someone else paves out the way

And every now and then I gotta return back to the cell and I got no choice but to stay

 

There’s no greater evil

Than the devil that talks from within

I need armour of iron

And I need to wear it under my skin

 

It took all I had

To walk away

Someone traced each step I made

A trail of blood, from walking on the blade

The future is merely just a shade

The good die young, of course I’m still alive

If I could, I would trade

Life scares me now, more than ever

My worst fear is to die

Only to discover I have to exist forever

 

There’s no greater evil

Than the devil that talks from within

I need armour of iron

And I need to wear it under my skin

 

I am so alone now

There’s no one talking louder than the voices in my head

They tell me to just go to sleep

and pretend that I am dead

But at some point I gotta wake up

Then they tell me how I fail

Bleeding from walking on the blade

All the devils are on my trail

They want me chained up and back in my cell

They tell me that all I have coming

Is burning for all eternity in hell

Now the stench of fear and burning flesh..

Now that’s all that I can smell

Why is it always the worst parts of life

we remember all to well..?

 

There’s no greater evil

Than the devil that talks from within

I need armour of iron

And I need to wear it under my skin

I need it under my skin!

 

 

I thought I had this all figured out

Why I had to go and leave my old life behind

I forged this heart from steel, but now it’s turning tender

Time goes by, and now I can’t remember

I’m not quite sure how I feel

All I know, is I’m back in your arms

 

Ah, we had some good times, didn’t we

Although we both agree

That we are not each other’s destiny

But now you’re back inside of me

And we’re back to adding more pages

To this complicated history

 

I really thought I’d made up my mind

But I’ve said this before:

A good fuck is hard to find

I guess a good fuck can also make you go blind

But now I tell myself never mind

Back to dirty business, back to being your mistress

Pretending I can’t hear the ringing alarms

All I know, is I’m back in your arms

 

Ah, we had some good times, didn’t we

Although we both agree

That we are not ment to be

But now you’re back inside of me

And we’re back to adding more pages

To this complicated history

 

You’re in my bed and in my head again

Although I burned all the pages and flushed the ashes down the drain

And the story we write now, will probably end up just the same

I see it coming, so I only got myself to blame

Guess I’m addicted to this game

And addicted to you, and how you got my leg in spasms

It’s crazy what I’ll do

For these orgasms

 

Ah, we had some good times, didn’t we

Although we both agree

That we are not each other’s destiny

But now you’re back inside of me

And we’re back to adding more pages

To this complicated history

And I pretend, argh I’m so good at pretending!

Like I can’t hear the ringing of alarms

All I know, all I know is..

I’m back in your arms

 

 

 

 

The light, it seems too harsh at times

The days, they feel too long

I find it hard to get out the door sometimes

There’s nowhere I belong

 

And they say «Memento mori»

«Remember, you’ll die soon

It’s time you start to live, now»

But I was made for the moon

 

The night feels warm and welcoming

There’s not a soul in the streets

I only fit in, when there’s no one else around

So I can go without daylight for weeks

 

And they say «Memento mori»

«Remember, you’ll die soon

It’s time you start to live, now»

But I, I was made for the moon

 

I don’t have anything to show up for

I’m so used to locked doors

It’s hard to find purpose, or meaning

It’s hard to believe in anything-

Least of all myself..

I used to lie to myself to get through life

I can’t lie to myself anymore

 

There’s no expectations in the darkness

There’s no one around that I can fail

I am too visible in the sunshine, all my flaws gets so exposed

I tell myself to be brave, go out there anyway

But to no avail

 

And they say «Memento mori»

«Remember, you’ll die soon

It’s time you start to live, now»

But I can only live under the moon

 

 

 

I used to be the one

I used to be just right

When I bit my tongue until it bled

And kept all the angry words locked up in my head

And no matter what, I always welcomed you back into my bed

Well, I’m not her anymore

And now you’re only welcomed

By a locked door

 

Says I’m a bitch

Blames everyone else for being a snitch

Says bad rep is only based on lies and jealousy

»A good guy at the core» so I’m the bad guy now

You playing the victim, completely blind for the hypocrisy

 

Fine, I’ll play this bitch-card out

You don’t really have any clout

The type of person to shit from your mouth

Anything you got to shit to me now is met with doubt

And honestly I’m done with the stench

So ‘Scuse my french..

I still get thirsty but..

Ain’t something you can quench

 

I used to be the one

I used to be just right

When I looked the other way

And no matter how fucked up you’d get

I sucked it up and let you stay

Remember when you got kicked out of the bar?

And all the times you took it way too far?

I didn’t say shit, I kept it all in my head

And no matter what, I welcomed you back into bed

Like I couldn’t get satisfaction from someone else instead

 

Had to call an ambulance once, that was fun

And that time we met your enemies and you told me to run

And now you’d probably kill me, huh

If only you could afford that damn gun

 

Nah, I really did try but

Now my legs are crossed shut

I’ll run with this bitch-title and wear it with pride

I’ll take that one a thousand times over being your bride

I feel bad for whoever ends up that bitch ‘Cuz man she’s gotta be blue-eyed

In fact more like blind

’Scuse my french but

That bitch is gonna be hard to find

Whatever, now you’re outta sight and outta mind

 

I used to be the one

I used to be just right

When I bit my tongue until it bled

And kept all the angry words locked up in my head

And no matter what, I always welcomed you back into my bed

Used to ride ya ‘till your dick went sore

Well, I’m not her anymore

And now you’re only welcomed

By a locked door

 

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how for a while

You kinda kept me alive

And still, all this time it was

suicide, suicide, it was suicide

Now I can no longer hide or deny

I have to swallow my stubborn pride

There’s nothing left here that’s true

I can’t let go of me

I have to let go of you

 

Sweet, deceitful love

That burned between my hands

Now you hurt too much to hold

The heart that I threw it at

(I’m so sorry)

To me, forever remains closed and stone cold

In my mind we are forever young

In reality, we’re both turning too old

Too old for games, too old for lies

Too old to close our eyes

and make love in the darkness

I turn on the light now

and I see I’m alone

These four walls that surrounds me

They only ever made up my home

 

I was stupid I guess

’Cause I really did live for this mess

And all this time..

It was suicide, suicide, suicide

Now I can no longer fabricate evidence

Or lie to myself in self-defense

I have to swallow my damn pride

I can’t just let this slide

I can’t fight for something that ain’t true

I can’t live without myself (I need some more time before I die)

I can and I have to live without you (oh, you know all the reasons why)

 

Sweet, corrupted love

that burned between my thighs

I had to kill the flame

That kept us warm all those winter nights

(I’m so sorry)

I understand now, you never felt the same

In my mind, I guess I forced you to love me

In reality, such a thing could never be

Now I got to wake up and see

That I have to choose to live in reality

I am alone in the darkness

So I leave the lights off and keep you out of my dreams

Ah, all this time, it was suicide, suicide, suicide

So much more suicidal than it seems

 

Sweet love, that was never really real

All this time, I was the only one to feel

It did keep me alive

At the same bloody time..

It was suicide, suicide, suicide

I found only hell with you as my guide

And I’m not sorry, and you don’t feel a thing

You never asked for the heart I now unstring

In my mind, I made it all make sense

But it made my nerves too tense

 

Now I see it was madness

More than it was the cure for my sadness

You never held on to me at all

I was a fool, but now I know

And now I’m ready, ‘cause all this time..

It was suicide, suicide, suicide

And by choosing life

I let you go

 

 

 

 

Dip into me just one more time

So I can grip around you and never let go

I think I’ll always want you the most

And something tells me that you know

 

Fuck my life, I wish I could forget

All these men you made me regret

There’s only one that’ll do now

And something tells me you know

 

That smile, I just want to wipe it from your face

Fuck you smiling for

Everytime I walk out that door

It’s mostly you that I come here for

These thoughts, the memories, I just can’t ignore

If I had a thousand nights with you

I would still be starving for more

 

God, there’s nothing left to fight for is there

I don’t even belong in your atmosphere

And ever since we met

You’ve lived rent-free in my head

I won’t find peace until I’m dead

Guess it’s just my luck to turn into a ghost

Watching you from the afterlife instead

 

Someone, please send help

I’m not making any sense

I feel way too intense

The cost of this obsession is immense

And something tells me it might all be nonsense

Still, can’t get you off my mind

If I’m honest, I ain’t even trying

Told ya I was over it, guess I was lying

 

Fuck you laughing ‘bout

All the times I go crazy and scream and shout

Raging maniac, but still it’s you I want to ravage the most

Of all the beasts I’ve known, I miss my savage the most

God, you are so evil and beautiful, it drives me mad

I’m just evil and ugly and all the way bad

Still, the times we had..

God, it lives rent-free in my mind, and this desire makes me go deaf and blind

Is there even other people in this world..?

 

Dip into me, just one more time

Just this last time, I don’t just want to picture it in my mind..

I’ll seize you and never let go

I think I’ll always want you the most

(May all the gods made up by man help me)

And something tells me that you know

Of all the beasts I’ve known..

Only the savage one can do me so

You’re the only one that makes me wish we were two

My hands are pro, but they can’t do the things you do

And no matter what, I can’t forget you

 

Something tells me that you know I’d hold my breath until I’m blue

And I am, ‘cuz it’s long overdue

Something tells me that you know..

The only one I truly want, is you

 

 

They all say I gotta let go

But there never was much to hold on to

Of all the suicidal missions I’ve embarked on

I guess the grand finale was you

 

Fuck my head

I fucked you in my head again

You probably forgot all about me by now

How I taste, how I sound, even my name

I should know better than to walk down this bloody road

But it’s the only way I know, somehow

 

Wish you could go back to being a stranger

Everything about you screams ‘DANGER’

But nothing feels like you do, like medicine, like heroin

Nothing and no one gives me such a rush of adrenaline

And the world without you grows so grey and dim

But keeping you alive in my mind and in my dreams- it’s peccatum mortale- The deadliest of sin

 

They locked me up once, I took a lighter and tried to burn away my flesh

It always felt like my skin was too thin, ‘cause all my wounds are open and fresh

You know this, you know I scar easily

So please explain how you thought I’d cope with this treachery

I can only hope that one day I’ll have bled dry

And I can only hope my mind will find closure

’Cuz you’ll never provide me with a ‘why’

 

Wish you could go back to being a stranger

When I’m around you, I’m in danger

But nothing feels like you do, like medicine, like heroin

Nothing and no one gives me such a rush of adrenaline

Shark-infested waters, that’s where I seem to swim

But keeping you alive in my mind and in my dreams- it’s peccatum mortale- The deadliest of sin

 

 

Guess this blog now has its own theme-song.. 😅

 

 

 

 

Enola, it’s the name of the plane

Dropping the first atomic bomb

Enola, Enola-

To me, it’s my reality

I think it might just be my destiny

 

No cheerleaders, no hypequeens

Only myself to stitch myself back together

Fix all my loose seams

 

Enola, Enola

Read it backwards, it makes sense then

I can dress up and do my makeup like Barbie

But I can do without a ‘Ken’

 

No plans, no goals

I tried and failed at all my roles

Damn, should have arrived somewhere by now I guess

But all my efforts somehow just end up making a bigger mess

 

And now I say goodbye to lovers, goodbye to old friends

Too much shit went down, now me can’t make amends

With me there’s not much of new beginnings, I’m more familiar with stuff that has bitter ends

 

Enola, Enola

Read it backwards, it makes sense then

I always fuck up, it’s just a matter of when

 

Enola, Enola

Read it backwards, it makes sense then

No cheerleaders, no hypequeens

Just me to stitch myself together

Fix all my loose seams

And now I got no choice

but to start over again

 

 

There was a time

I could balance the thin line

Between the desire between my thighs and the red flags in my mind

But in the end, there just wasn’t anything left to give

And I had to face that the time I spent with you

Is part of this one life I got to live

 

So I walked away

What’s left to say

No matter what, I couldn’t stay

And now it’s all out, all out, all out

All outta my system

 

Told myself it didn’t really matter

Good enough in bed, but what’s the catch

All the arguments, all the core beliefs that didn’t match

In the end, I could feel how the lust began to shatter

Wasn’t anything left to give

There’s no room for you in this one life I got to live

 

So I walked away

Not a word left to say

No matter what, I couldn’t stay

And now it’s all out, all out, all out

All outta my sy-sy-system

 

You probably think I’m looking for replacement

Someone that can save me from my own, mental basement

Truth is I’m doing fine by myself

I’ve placed this ‘lover’-thing on the shelf

Life is complicated enough

Don’t need a man to rough it up

And if there’s one thing I’ve discovered about myself..

It’s that I’m pretty damn tough

 

So I keep on walking, walking away

These rhymes, that’s all I got left to say

No matter what, I wouldn’t stay

And now it’s all out, all out, all OUT!

All outta my sy-sy-sy-SYSTEM

 

 

 

(Wasn’t intentional to smile like a smug cunt.. But I guess I am a smug cunt 😅)

Warning: Brutal as fuck. And it’s not about who you might think it is.. 😇

 

 

Sometimes I go to the gun shop in my head

I don’t tho’, ‘Cuz maybe it’s taking revenge too far

To take it into my own hands to have you dead

 

But..

If I had a gun

I’d show up on your door so you have nowhere to run

And finger pulls the trigger, and..

 

One shot to your shoulder, for the shit you couldn’t shoulder

One shot to the balls I doubt you have

One shot in the ass for how you’re always bending over

 

Man, how I used to obsess

Had to murder you a couple a’ times in my head

Now I’m proud to say

I couldn’t care less

You do you

Live your life spineless

 

Still, if I had a gun..

Then one shot in your heartless chest

One shot in your weak knees

One shot to your brain you always think knows best

Then one shot to my own damn head

So this bloody mind that you still occupy from time to time

(just said I couldn’t care less)

Could be laid to rest

 

You ain’t worth it tho’

Nah, you ain’t worth it!

And now I finally know

 

 

 

 

Ps: I don’t own a gun 😅