I watch you smile in photographs

But I remember how you cried the last time I saw you

If only I’d known..

I can’t rewrite the past

You said you loved me

I didn’t say I love you too

There’s some lines you just don’t cross

And like the fool I am, I did, I still do

🌑

I can’t forgive myself

All these years spent in vain

Couldn’t kill myself then

I guess you just have to live with the pain

And I guess I can’t handle it, cuz now and then it drives me insane

🌑

I’m such a fool

All these lies I told myself in the mirror

Just so I could tolerate myself

But the hate and the guilt and the misery

Will always crush the best of me

If there even is such a thing left in me..

I want to be so much more than this

But it seems this messed up wreck is all that I can be

This walking disaster, this ignorant vain pain in the ass

If there is such a thing as being reborn

I think it’s best for everyone that I pass

🌑

I can’t forgive myself

More satan than saint

Purge me, I can’t stand these stains on my soul

Every day I want to change

Every night I have to admit that I ain’t

🌑

The years pass by so fast

The days are so dreadfully slow

There’s so much I should have learned by now

I’m so ashamed of how little I know

There’s so much dirt in the past I still remember

I’m ashamed that I can’t let it go

🌑

I buried you, but I didn’t really go on with my life in years

It didn’t change a thing, it was punishment

and I guess I paid with my tears

I can’t undo the past..

I can’t undo my mistakes

Or learn from them

And still I can’t live fully

I just don’t have what it takes

🌑

What a shame, that you died and I didn’t

It only felt like it

Still I don’t know

34 and I have no clue

What the hell I am supposed to do

With a life I’ll always feel like I stole

From someone far more worthy

I loved you so deeply

But the last time I saw you, I did you dirty

🌑

I can’t forgive myself

It still haunts my dreams

How it all collapsed between my hands

When depression hit the extremes

I just didn’t know

How to let it go

I still can’t forget

There is so much that I regret

But not opening that door, not seeing your face one last time

Shit, to this day that remains my biggest crime

I punished myself in every way I could think of, but there’s lines you just don’t cross and once you do, nothing can make it fine

And now at least you’re safe in death..

At least this pain is only mine

🌑

And I have screamed against the universe

And I have raged against each and every god

Tell me why, tell me why?!

Why am I still alive

When the best man I’ve known had to die

It will never make sense to me

I can’t live up to his legacy

I can’t be who he wanted me to be

🌑

I just wish I could tell you

I loved you more than words can say

And even after all these years

I think it’s safe to say it now:

It never goes away

If I could give my life to you

Oh, the time I’ve wasted

The mistakes I’ve done, that I still do

The words and actions I can never undo

If I only knew..

And I should have, ‘cuz we never know and that’s really all we know

When it’s the last time for anything

I’m so sorry

Sleep forever safe in your nemeton

and I’ll never forget who or where I came from

Your life was not in vain, although it was cut short

I’ll remember the day I’ll need it but for now

my heart is buried with you in the North

❤️

Just had to get it over with

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Once upon a time

I was yours and you were mine

and damn, your face, your body, all so fine

You still live rent-free in my mind

And I’m sorry that our differences got in the way

and we could not stand against the test of time

If you were here tonight

Maybe I could sleep alright

If I was more like you, or you like me

There would be no reason to fight

But we are who we are, and none of us will change

Sadly

Even though the feeling of you inside me..

Damn, that felt so right

Once upon a time

I was yours and you were mine

And when we got it right, it was sublime

And I may owe some of it to you

This period where I’ve been in control of my mind

Maybe you don’t give a fuck, but after all

A good fuck is not that easy to find

and even harder to let go

But I’ve appreciated it, and how you appreciated me, and you deserve to know

If I was less like me

It sucks to say to your face, that you ain’t always the man I want you to be

I can’t hold you any longer, so I gotta set you free

I can’t shut up when you rub me the wrong way

I can’t force you to do the things I need you to in order to stay

Sadly..

Even though the feeling of you inside me

Damn, that always felt so right

I let you go, it was hard for me

’cuz believe me, I wish you were here tonight

I really did try

But sadly..

Once upon a time, I was yours and you were mine

The hourglass was flipped, we ran out of sand

And now all I got is this cursed mind and my own hand

So now you’re probably dragging my name through the streets
‘Cuz I’m that bitch that kicked you outta my sheets

It’s okay, let them know

I got my fair reasons why I chose to let you go

Annonsørinnhold

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I’m not saying I’m a saint, I’m a sinner too

But I don’t have it in me to fuck people over the way you always do

And if the bible is right, we’re both ending up somewhere hot

But that doesn’t ment we are ment to be, Cuz we’re not

You claim I don’t see you like I should

But I saw every little flaw and I still gave it all I could

You reveal that you don’t know me at all

I’m just that wet cunt you call

But now I’ve blocked your number, and it’s over

I will fight for love but this ain’t it

I’ve analyzed what we had, and it smells like shit

I don’t want these stains all over my soul

(‘Scuse my french, just speaking blunt)

I can no longer let your dick into my hole

’cuz coming for you no longer feels like a goal

I’ll fight for love but this ain’t it

Do you even know a pussy comes with a clit?

And a woman also comes with a brain

Remember you called ‘red flags’ when you heard I sometimes go insane?

Then you met me and you found me hot

But there’s so much more to me that you never bothered finding out

Yeah, great, that you think I’m hot

but that doesn’t mean we’re ment to be, ‘Cuz we’re not

I’ll fight for love, but this, this ain’t it

I’ve analyzed the stench and I’ve had enough with your shit

and how you always choose not to deal with it

I will fight for love, but this never was and never will be it

I’m sorry to say, we’re both back to just our own hands now, and mine they’ve always done the trick

You’ll go back to endless one-night stands

And me, well I’ll go back to my own magical hands

Yeah, you go back to shitty sex

I might swap from dick to pussy, cuz

I heard you have a really stunning ex

I’ll fight for love

But this, this never was, never will be it

And I always told you so, so now you just gotta handle it

Snorting lines, crossing mine

at some point I had to explode in your face

’cuz none of the stupid shit you do is fine

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And somewhere in this mess of yours

I had to draw the line

Too busy popping pills to pay your bills

Your self-centered vision give me chills

And all that booze, all that snow

probably won’t do it for you now

Can’t believe I gave you these 5-star rides for free
Now I’m asking myself what the fuck was in this fuckery for me

Had to close my eyes to tolerate, but dude this bitch can see

In the end it was such an easy choice

I’d rather be lonely

Yeah, I’d rather be lonely!

Only thing you’d ever give away for free

is a motherfucking STD

Can’t believe I said you were my favorite toy

Nothing in this world is easier to replace

than a fuck, fuck, fuckboy

Watch my, watch my ass out the door

I had you, fuck this shit and fuck you too,

Don’t want you no more

Trust me, I’ve been keeping tabs

Sorry I ain’t playing nice

Might rat you out to the big boys

Hope someone gets to your kneecaps

How’s this for a toxic bitch

This is my last pitch

Call me medusa, prick

I’ll see you in the snake pit

Ingen har monopol på sannheten.

E ikkje sint lenger, e ikkje såra.
Nå føle eg nærmast ingenting

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Bare takknemlighet for at denne gang har eg klart å unngå det,

at hjernen min går heilt i spinn

Nå må eg gå aleina framover, ikkje bare rundt i ring

Det går bra med meg,

nå e det alt eg har å sei.

Spurte om me kunne snakka ut, om eg fekk forklara, og svaret ditt va «Nei»

All smerten eg har tålt, alt blodet eg har sølt

Alt dåkkår valgte å stenga av, har eg valgt å følt

Og eg prøve alt eg kan, men det bler ikkje bedre med årå

Og dåkkår vil ikkje forstå, men det e kanskje sånn

At det e eg så må bæra de djupaste sårå

Har moderert meg sjøl heile livet

Tatt den verste støyten for alt

Mens dåkkår har levd livet fritt

Har eg bare forfalt

Har aldri vært verdt å lytta te

Av det eg har fortalt

Og kordan kunne eg hatt selvtillit

Når alt eg seie, føle og gjørr

Bler møtt med kritisk blikk

Når eg føle for intenst, seie dåkker «Forsvinn»

Så det va enten selvmord eller innleggelse, og eg valgte livet ein siste gang og la meg frivillig inn

Nå e eg ute av syne, og ute av sinn

De så e rundt meg nå får betalt for det, det e vinn-vinn

Eg har tjukk hud, men eg har ikkje panser

Føle alt så sterkt at eg får pustevansker

Har prøvd så hardt, men hørre ikkje te

Og folk skjønne ikkje at det de velge å ver blind for e det någen som må se

Eg blei her og deala med egne demoner

Mens dåkkår fløy (eller flykta?) fra sted te sted

Det e så lett for alle å sei «hu der e bare crazy

Og hu komme ingen vei for hu e lazy»

Ingen har gidda, ingen har prøvd å forstått

Og nå bryr eg meg ikkje lenger, nå har det siste toget gått

Vil ikkje snakka merr, vil ikkje sei

Dåkkår får tenka det ut sjøl, koffor det blei så det blei

Eg har tilgitt og bøyd meg te eg brakk i to

og nå e eg lei

Me kan ikkje snakka om det nå

For det e ikkje sånn at dåkkår ikkje kan

Dåkkår VIL bare ikkje forstå

Sa eg hadde vondt, sa at eg va såra

Du e så kald at eg får frostskader

Nå har du fått mi siste frosne tåra

Kan ikkje skilla deg fra meg som du gjorde fra far

Kan ikkje endra for dåkker at eg blei bipolar

Og eg skulle helst vært skutt eller steina

Men eg kan, eg vil, og eg må- bæra det aleina

Alt eg ba om, alt eg trengte va ein pause

Men det e bare blant dåkkår imellom at dåkk klare å vær rause

Nå e siste ordet sagt

Nå må alle forbli tause

It’s just another day

I can’t get up, get on with this life

I never asked for, I didn’t know

What I signed up for

Hellride

I need a guide

Someone point a gun to my head

I have to decide

Join the living or the dead

Halflife..

🌑

And who cares If I live or die

Not me

Not me

And who cares why

My brain implodes under the pressure

Of merely being alive

Does it matter, if I try

I want to feel it all, work through the pain

But there’s tears too bitter to cry

Chasing a life I can’t attain

Do you understand

I don’t think I can live through the madness again

🌑

And who cares if I don’t feel a thing

Not me

Not me

This shit is outta my hands

I’m like a plane with no pilot- nosedive, deathspin, then crashlands

And you never laid a hand on me

Still, you hurt me more than you can see

🌑

This way of thinking will lead to nowhere

And I’ve thought it all before

These words, on repeat in my head

Rings so true, I have to believe

That I am better off dead

🌑

Who cares how it ends

I’ve spent so many years

Inside this head, this bad hood

I can’t get my act straight

Always misunderstood

I know I will lose my mind again

Do you understand

I can’t do a thing, my hands are tied

I couldn’t even kill myself..

Believe me, I tried

🌑

Every choice I make

Is another mistake

And every time I try to turn things around

I lose my damn mind

I can’t find..

I can’t find the road that leads me to somewhere

Somewhere I don’t want to leave myself behind

🌑

And who cares if I live or die

Not me

Not me

I can’t lie

I think I want to die the most

Every battle I’ve fought, I’ve lost

Should I live on, when I can’t pay the cost

The price to be alive is so high,

The crazy shit I’ve done- Always the bad guy

This pain makes me numb

All these mistakes, didn’t learn a thing

Still dumb.. Scum of the scum..

This hell, I know it all too well

Stuck inside my head

Alive or dead..

I don’t know anymore

I’m limping on, but I won’t get far

This bipolar life feels like war

🌑

And who cares if it ends or begin

Not me

Nah, not me

Who cares if I lose or win

I can’t care for myself right now

And if I feel anything at all

I can’t seem to let it show

But I want you to know

I used to feel so hardcore that my heart went sore

Maybe I just couldn’t handle it anymore

But I miss how my heart would swell, with pain, with pleasure

And I miss having a brain I knew so well, a brain that could handle the pressure

Maybe I’m delusional

When I think back, I can’t remember handling anything at all

And there never was a backbone to handle the fall

And when you lose yourself, there is no one to call

🌑

Who cares if I hate myself to pieces

And who cares if this bipolar cycle never ceases

I used to think there was a blip of hope on the radar

I used to look up at the sky, begging the universe to give me a leading star

But the darkness grows inside my skull

And I know I eventually have to subdue to the raving, raging manic bull

🌑

This crazy, terrifying demon that lurks at the back of my mind

The key to staying sane, I just can’t find..

I don’t want to see more of this psycho bitch..

I’d rather go blind

I don’t know who I am anymore or how to feel about myself and all the psycho shit I do

The worst thing is, I know that goes for everyone around me too

And I don’t want to be in this state

But truthfully, I was always a very easy person to hate

And who cares..

Who cares if it was always too late

To wipe the slate

You can’t always choose your fate

34 years on this planet

34 years among the human race

34 years of trial and error and fatal mistakes

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

And I still haven’t found my place

Always on the outside looking in

It’s such a tricky game to me, the art of fitting in

Who knows, who I could have been

If I only knew the moves to make

Or if I was capable of being fake

My true self is more than people can take

If I find something that looks like love, it quickly turns into hate

Spent so many years, trying to be the good girl

Tried to hide that I’m full of thorns

Then life flipped up side down

And my halo turned into horns

Now everyone knows

Can’t hide it, I got a tail and it shows

34 years on this planet

34 years among the human race

34 years of trial and error and fatal mistakes

And still I haven’t found my place

Sometimes I gather up the courage

Tell myself I got the balls

To raise my voice and say my thoughts outloud

Then I’m met with this deafening silence

So instead I’m talking to the walls

I hate being asked to tag along

They drop these subtle clues that I don’t belong

My confidence crumbles into the dust

I can tell even when you say nothing:

I’m the one you can not trust

It hurts, but I tell myself it’s just the way it is

I should be used to it, ‘cuz honestly it’s always been like this

Even as a kid, I was always the difficult one

I don’t think anyone’s suprised to see this broken mess I have become

I’m a failure, to the very bone

34 years on this planet

34 years among the human race

34 years of trial and error and fatal mistakes

And still I haven’t found my place

A song for Bekky, forever my fav human ❤️

Sometimes I feel out of air

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Other times I wish I could just disappear

I can’t seem to outrun fear

When I need it the most, I’m all outta gear

Hell is real, I know ‘cuz I’ve lived there

Breathe in, breathe out

There’s times I really doubt

That I’ll ever break out

This body is a prison at times

I gotta hang in there

Gotta have faith that eventually I’ll get my payout

I know this girl, she’s so beautiful

And her mind is a wonderland

She got demons like me, I tell her she’ll slay ‘em

She says maybe she will, but only if I can

Says she sees beauty in me too

If we can mirror each other, maybe we can believe in ourselves and our dreams can be made true

We all need it, don’t we: Someone that really sees you for you

Breathe in, breathe out

I know there’s times you doubt

That you’ll ever break out

And your body feels like a prison at times

You gotta hang in there

Gotta have faith that eventually you’ll get your payout

Breathe in, breathe out

(You can do this, you can find the way out)

Never forget, I’m by your side

(We can do this, we can find the way out)

Breathe in.. Breathe out

Used to tell myself

«One day I’ll tear up my roots and leave my old life behind»

Find a place where I can bloom into someone else

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Well, I stayed right put and met my doom

Locked up and tied up in that little room

I didn’t know just how angry I could get

I guess in that moment I found some self respect

All the pills, all those needles through my skin
All those faces looking down on me, telling me

»This is a war you’re not gonna win»

Suicide seems merciful, when living feels like a sin

But they cut my rope

And all the lights had to burn out, before I could claw my way back to this beautiful thing

This thing I can call hope

Nobody’s listening, I’m just talking to myself

Truth is I like myself more when there’s no one else around

I don’t think anyone can fully understand

The parts of me that was dead and buried

How deep I had to dig before I was found

Now there’s only me to tell myself:

»You will, and you can»

And maybe it’s alright

I missed out on all my flights

Maybe it’s okay

After all, I found myself right where I stayed

The buried parts of me did not decay

And now I’m kinda proud

That I never ran away

Nobody’s listening, I’m just talking to myself

Truth is I like myself more when there’s no one else around

I don’t think anyone can fully understand

The parts of me that was dead and buried

How deep I had to dig before I was found

Don’t think anyone can understand..

Now there’s only me to tell myself:

»You will, and you can»

Night creeper

Day sleeper

What’s the point, I’m just sinking deeper

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

I can’t stand standing still

But even worse, is when madness takes the reigns

Makes me do things against my will

Oh my head, my damn head

This voice, and it’s MY voice

That tells me I’m better off dead

Batshit psycho

Craziest bitch that I know

I can’t stand the demon I become

When I snap out of it

I haven’t just lost my sanity, my dignity is also gone

Oh my head, my fucking head

These dark rooms I lock myself in, no keys

When it gets pitchblack and I’m on my knees

Stuck in my head, I get stuck in my head

That’s when I wish I was already dead

I can’t explain

I can’t defend

Can’t mask it up, can’t play pretend

I know you get tired of me

I see it in your eyes, when you can’t look at me

I just don’t know how to make it end

It’s like a fire that just has to burn out

Then I’m left with the ashes

It makes it so hard for me to map out the route

When my brain is put under pressure, it crashes

And I hate myself for it, more than you know

But I know I got more of ‘em coming..

My personal tragedy, up to my neck in misery:

Here’s another horror show

Oh my head, my bloody head

To you I guess I’m already dead

I am so fucking sorry I can’t control my brain

That I go insane again and again

I know I’m just a constant strain

I know there’s not a lot of love that can remain

And you probably hate me

But I’d rather have you hating me than feeling you should save me

I’m trying the best I can to do something right

But every day of every week of every month of every damn year

My entire life, just a constant fight

My head, my hopeless head

If I could just donate my life

to someone more worthy of it instead

I feel so ashamed, knowing I’m both blessed and privileged

Everyone else seems to know the road to success

I wish I could do just one thing right, but I always just end up making a bigger mess

I’m sorry for taking up space

I’m sorry for the mistakes I can never erase

I’m sorry that I never reach

the dreams that I chase

And I’m sorry I was born your sister

Sorry that I was born your daughter

Sorry for breaking your heart, mister

Sorry to everyone that was affected

by the rings I made in the water

Oh, my head, my useless head

If I could just donate my life

to someone more worthy instead