Sunniva Creative soul with a crazy twist

When you need a f’ing therapist badly, but all you got is an ‘effing blog 😇 Bear with me!

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

Lately every day I’ve been waking up shaking

Just getting outta bed is fucking painstaking

I’m growing old, man- but I ain’t getting wiser

People think I’m doing alright but honestly I just got better at faking

There’s gotta be more to life

Than this constant twisting and turning the knife

in these old bloody wounds, why can’t I let them heal?

Why is it that at fucking 36

I am still terrified of what I feel?

There’s gotta be, gotta be- more to life than this

But to be honest I don’t even know what it is that I miss

Argh, I should figure shit out

Lately every day I live through feels wasted

There’s all these flavours to life that I have yet not tasted

I stick to poison that just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth

I tell myself I can grow despite this drought

I tell myself I can do better but all I feel is doubt

There’s gotta be more to life

Than this constant twisting and turning the knife

in the old bloody wounds, why can’t I let them heal?

Why is it that at fucking 36

I still question what is real?

There’s gotta be, gotta be more to life than this

It frustrates me that I don’t even know what I miss

I see all these people on socials, they look so damn happy

But what they have, that’s not what I want

There’s gotta be more to life

than motherhood and being a wife

I can’t have kids, I know for sure I’d just fuck ’em up

Can’t hold down a job

and I can’t have a relationship that goes beyond a temporary hookup

I’m 100% toxic, that’s cyanide in my cup

I’m pure poison, can’t help it so bottoms up

Tell me, is there more to life?

Sometimes I’m not sure who’s hand that’s twisting the knife

All I know, these old bloody wounds they won’t heal

My nerves ain’t exactly forged in steel

At 36 they still snap like overstrung strings

At 36 I still got issues with the smallest of things

There’s gotta be, gotta be more to life than this

36 years of searching, and I still don’t know what I miss

There’s gotta be more to life

There’s gotta be more to life!

Than the rusty blade of that fucking knife..

There’s gotta be more, more to life than this

36 years, I just wish I knew what I miss..

I wish I knew what exactly I miss

36 years, I still can’t answer this

Har endelig samlet opp nok outfits til å gjøre dette innlegget 😅 Urutinert, jeg? Alltid. Ellers kjenner jeg at jeg er litt lei vinter nå altså.. Eller kanskje jeg bare er lei av meg selv..? Det er så mye jeg vil endre på, og jeg skulle helst ha gjort det med ÉN gang- men det klarer jeg jo ikke. Så jeg går rundt med en solid dose frustrasjon, og føler litt at jeg mislykkes hver dag omtrent. Jeg vet bare at jeg vil ha mer ut av livet enn jeg får til akkurat nå, og jeg føler at tiden går bare fortere og fortere jo eldre jeg blir, så jeg begynner å få en klaustrofobisk følelse av at det haster; hvis jeg skal bli det mennesket jeg vil være..  Og så har du tvilen da, om jeg i det hele tatt har det som kreves for å klare det. Av og til lurer jeg seriøst på om jeg utvikler meg i det hele tatt, gjennom dette livet jeg snubler og tryner og vakler meg igjennom.

Og der klarte jeg jammen meg å gjøre nok et overfladisk innlegg mørkt og dystert, uuups.. Må vel sies å være min spesialitet 🙄

Dette innlegget er forresten inspirert av Vogue’s youtube-serie 7 days, 7 looks. Anbefales hvis du vil se bedre og mer eksklusive antrekk enn det jeg har å by på, hehe.. 😇 Skal helt ærlig innrømme at jeg har omtrent falt helt av lasset når det kommer til hva som er on trend at the moment. Ikke at jeg noen gang har vært spesielt opptatt av trender, i hvert fall å følge dem- men jeg hadde i det minste en viss idé om hva som var in og hva som var ut. Nå klarer jeg ikke å holde oversikt lenger. Et sikkert tegn på at jeg har blitt gammel kanskje? 😅 Eneste jeg vet er at jeg burde brenne skinny jeansene mine, men det NEKTER jeg. Så kanskje jeg bare skal være takknemlig for at jeg ikke vet om alle de andre mote-syndene jeg begår 😅

God nesten-helg da folkens 🤗

Maybe we’ll never meet again

Oh, to be honest I kinda hope so

You’ve been more of a foe than a friend

I have loved and I have hated you

Do you even feel anything at all?

Only you would know

I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know is

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s

keeping me in hell..

Maybe we were never meant to cross paths

I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason

I believe this world is ruled by chaos

Just like it rules my mind

and nothing is ever black or white

but nothing can ever make what happened between us right

Now I ask myself if I feel anything at all

All I know is..

I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know, all I know is..

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s

keeping me in hell

Yeah, all I know, all I know is

There’s questions that’ll never be answered

and I can’t wait for a grave to bury them in

I can’t fucking wait for death to silence my mind

Until then I’m left with wishing

for a peace of mind I suspect might just be impossible to find

‘Cuz I can still not tell

If you ever meant me any well

All I know, all I know is!

It’s time to break the spell

It’s time to break the spell!

‘Cuz keeping you in my mind is the very thing that’s..

It’s the very thing!

That’s keeping me in hell

Gratulerer med morsdagen, alle mødre der ute! Spesielt til min mama bear ❤️

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

You were the one that got all my anger and rage

I feel so bad now, for how difficult I was through every damn stage

I couldn’t always see

How much you gave to me

But you’re the one that has always been there

You’re the one that always had to hold it all together

and I’m so done with anger now

I just want to love you forever

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see your courage and strength

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see the hand you were dealt

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I understand why you couldn’t melt

Life was never easy on you, but you never complained

You were always so strong, I couldn’t see you were drained

You suffered in silence, you never shared

and still to everyone else, it was always you who cared

When I think of strong women, you’re my number one

You’re such an inspiration to who I want to become

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see your courage and strength

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I see the hand you were dealt

Ice queen, my ice queen

Now I understand why you couldn’t melt

There’s something about the light and the sounds of the day

Helps me keep my feelings at bay

I tell myself I’m doing okay

Annonsørinnhold

Hoka på salg: Kupp årets modeller til nedsatt pris

Then comes the inevitable night

and with the darkness I am led astray

Here’s the words I just can’t say..

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so tired of walking in my shoes

All the terrors I have lived through, they play on repeat

And I am a child again, pitted against forces I just can’t defeat

My bones are trembling, I feel so weak

There’s crimes in my past of which I just can’t speak

and I’m so tired of walking in these shoes

It’s that time of the night again

It’s the midnight blues

There’s a sense of normalcy during the day

Helps me keep all the monsters at bay

and I can tell myself I’m doing okay

But every day must surrender to night

and then I am no longer doing alright

This is my eternal battle that I must fight

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so tired of walking in my shoes

All the terrors I have lived through, they play on repeat

And I am a child again, pitted against forces I just can’t defeat

My bones are trembling, I feel so weak

There’s crimes in my past of which I just can’t speak

and I’m so tired of walking in these shoes

It’s that time of the night again

It’s the midnight blues

Little girl, I don’t want to be a little girl again

and I just want to feel safe in this world again

I want to kick off my shoes

and escape all these feelings,

these midnight blues

It’d night again, I lose all my grown-up tools

I go back in time again when darkness rules

Oh it’s the midnight blues

It’s the midnight blues

Are these flashbacks something I somehow choose?

What is it about the night that sets me up to lose?

I just call it the midnight blues

Oh, it’s the midnight blues

and I am so damn tired

of walking in these shoes

I’m not asking you to understand

I’m not begging you to hold my hand

It’s just that right now I am not okay

and this is just my lullaby to myself

made from the words I cannot say

It’s my midnight blues

It’s just my midnight blues

I should have stayed away

I wish we’d never met

It’s so damn easy, walking down memory lane

It’s so goddamn hard to forget

You are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

You are beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

I have to burn the pages of you

written in my history

You are not my destiny

If anything, you’ll be the death of me

You are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

You are beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

I need you light years away

I can’t make sense of anything you say

I need you light years away..

I don’t understand the rules of the wicked games that you play

Antares..

I need to be light years away from you!

‘Cuz you are the brightest star

I can only watch you from afar

Every night I wonder where you are

Can’t forget that angelic/demonic face

Or your angelic/demonic ways

Heart of the scorpion, the brightest shining star

How I feel about you is beautiful and terrible, fascinating and bizarre

21 years

I can’t even count the tears

I wish I could cry ‘em with you

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

like we used to

Do you live on in me?

I’m not half the human you were

So I question sometimes if you do

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment burying a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and I have to deal with my own madness..

Getting lost in the blackness

Now I am the daughter of darkness

21 years, can’t believe it’s been 21 years

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who still cares

I know it isn’t so

I’m just the only one that feels this level of guilt

That’s why I can’t let go

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment burying a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and deal with my own madness

Getting lost in the blackness

Now I am the daughter of darkness

21 years, it’s been 21 years

Ever since then, I’ve felt so much older than my peers

Daddy, I’m so worn out by the grief

I need you to come back to life and forgive me

But daddy, I know you can’t

I have to face it, there is no relief

I was your daughter

Then I had to bury you

That ment I had to bury a part of me too

Now I have to live with the sadness

and deal with my own madness

Getting lost in the blackness

I was your daughter..

Now I am the daughter of darkness

I am the daughter of darkness..

I had a boyfriend, he used to say

“If you ever walk away

I’ll kill you in cold blood”

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

When I broke up with him, I wondered

is this the last thing I’ll ever do?

It ended well for me

It did not end well for you

Seems it’s always something in the news

A frightening reminder

Memento mori, but

Real love should never end that gory

It’s another day

It’s another Norwegian horror story

It started out so sweet

But the charming prince sometimes turn into a creep

She starts looking over her shoulder

For every inch she moves away, he turns colder and colder

Now she’s asking the cops

Hoping they’ll do what it takes to make him stop

They shrug, says it’s not that serious

Then they discover her corpse

No one else finds it mysterious..

Now she’s all over the news

A frightening reminder

Memento mori, but..

Love should never end that gory

It’s another day

It’s another Norwegian horror story

We don’t like to talk about it

But maybe we have to

Look the other way

Pretend it never happens

Or ask what can we as society do

Seems it’s always something on the news

A frightening reminder

It could be you, it could be me

Memento mori, but..

Love should never end that gory

It’s another day, another Norwegian horror story

Seemed like such a good idea

I knew one thing for sure, you could handle all of me

Even the messed up parts not everyone can see

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

I don’t know anymore, if it was brave

or just plain stupid

Should I blame it on myself

Or can I blame it on Cupid

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

Everyone said it; «You two make sense»

For so long I was on the fence

Then I decided to just dive right in

It felt kinda brave

Now it just feels stupid

I can only blame myself

I don’t have any faith in Cupid

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

So here we are

We gave it a go, gave it all we got

It ended with a scar

Was it brave,

Was it stupid?

What the fuck do I even know, about this love-shit!

You’ll have to ask Cupid

Perfect on paper, looked so perfect on paper

but..

I can’t do love as a faker

Perfect on paper,

but..

I’m no good at pretending

Perfect on paper,

but..

That’s also where it’s ending

Jeg hørte aldri at du gikk

Men det gjorde du

Det er blodspor i snøen

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Og jeg hørte aldri ropet ditt til stjernene

Du skrek at du ikke orker mer

Og så stakk du løpet i munnen og trakk av

Skuddet gikk rett gjennom den vakre hjernen din

Jeg hørte ikke det heller

Det er blodspor i snøen

Jeg lukker øynene, men det er fortsatt alt jeg ser

Blodspor i snøen, det er alt som fins igjen

Og jeg fatter fortsatt ikke at du ikke finnes mer

Vi snakket jo om alt, vi hadde vært gjennom det samme

Alle gangene vi sa at vi orker faen ikke å bli gamle

Vi hadde begge slitne sjeler

Nå hviler din i fred

Og jeg er den som fortsatt lever

Trodde vi noen gang at ting blir bedre?

De såra vi sydde igjen, ble de alltid infiserte?

Jeg vet ikke lenger, om jeg tror på noe som helst

De jævla infiserte såra blir bare flere og flere

Og jeg skriker av og til, til stjernene- at jeg orker heller ikke mere

Og jeg tenker på den vakre hjernen din

Og jeg lurer på om du ga deg selv tid til å tenke ferdig

Blodspor i snøen..

Var den kula deg verdig?

Det er blodspor i snøen

Jeg lukker øya men det er alt jeg ser

Blodspor i snøen, det er alt som er igjen

Og jeg fatter ikke at du ikke finnes mer