I’ve had these moments the last days where I’ve just felt.. Gratitude, I guess. I’m grateful that this is my life right now, that for the past six months there’s been steady progression, I’m grateful that I made it through Christmas without having a manic episode, I’m so fucking grateful for the freedom I have right now, that it’s something I’ve fought so hard for for so many years.. I’m grateful for all the difficult times, because they have truly made me appreciate a lot of things I’d probably take for granted if I didn’t know better.

I’m also grateful for not feeling that massive fear of becoming sick again (and this is not me saying that I want it to happen), I know that when mania strikes again- and eventually it will, I have to be prepared for that- I will handle it. It will be hard probably, but I no longer think that it will break me, I have faced it so many times now and I know that if I hit rock bottom I will eventually claw my way up again.

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Speaking of freedom, I’ve been swimming two days in a row now. I’m not gonna start again with what a big step this is for me and the complicated relationship I’ve had with my body, because I’ve adressed that a lot in previous posts.. 😅 But it’s another thing that makes me feel really grateful!

Not an interesting (is it ever with this basic bitch 🙄) outfit today, just sweats. But a good classic coat and quality shoes, and a fancy hat kinda helps..?

I have this script in my head, and I kinda want to share the plot here because I think it’s pretty funny (and prob offensive as fuck if you’re religious so stop reading NOW in that case ‘Cuz you will NOT like this..) It’s obviously just a rough draft, but.. If I ever somehow stumble upon a pot of gold I will make this a movie for sure 😁

I kept seeing «movies» or just film-like scenes in my head when I was really psychotic, and I always thought some of them could be really interesting ideas for a full film/book/whatever.

One of them was this angel falls for devil-thing, like this really erotic and really forbidden  fantasy thing.. So now I have kinda finished it as an entire story with a beginning and an end. Here’s the plot, in short: So god really does exist in this story, but he is anything but good. He has a team of plastic surgeons and picks his angels based on who will become the most beautiful after his team of surgeons have altered them to fit his impossible standard of «perfection». The angels are supposed to be «good» as in submissive and they exist only to pleasure this wicked god-figure. Most of the angels are fine with that, because they fall in love with their own reflection when they see that they are now physically «perfect» and they are filled with plastic here and there. They all pretty much accept that their only mission in life is to be admired for their looks and used for sex. They are willing to be objectified and exist only to please the male gaze, because this makes them feel powerful- and they ignore the fact that they are being used, and because they are in love with what they see in the mirror they become more and more devoid of anything that recembles a personality, and there is no urge to find a deeper meaning with life other than simply reaching what a man has decided to be the epitome of physical perfection. (Yeah, what’s happening right now with plastic surgery becoming more and more the norm in society, and more and more women strive to alter everything about their appearance being «perfect» is freaking me the hell out)

BUT then comes this new candidate, and she is immediatly told that she will undergo a complete «makeover» because as she is she is not anywhere near the «ideal», acne, small saggy boobs, not a big enough ass etc etc.. But she refuses to do this, and does pretty much everything in her power to resist and rebel against anything her «god» tells her to. She causes havoc any chance she gets, and eventually ‘god’ has no choice but to give up, because she is impossible to brainwash into being one of his ‘perfect props’, and he decides to send her to.. Hell, of course.

She meets the devil, she falls for him because initially they seem to share the same qualities: Individualism, same morals, the desire to oppress against a regime that is utterly corrupt.. (insert a lot of reeeeally hot sex-scenes here) and tries to convince him to go to war against ‘god’ and his plastic angel army but he fails her several times, and eventually she realises that even though there is so much chemistry and they have amazing sex, in the end he is not as brave as her and he is not willing to fight and bleed for change to the degree she is (yup, been there).. So she abandons him and venture on by her self, and she discovers that the dragons she has read about in the forbidden books really do exist but has been banned to the shadow world by ‘god’, and the devil has allowed this to happen, even though he is originally selected by nature herself as their protector.

She finds the dragons, talks them into fighting for freedom, and they become allies in the war of the universe, overthrowing both heaven and hell.

In the end, she decides to live with them, she realises that they are more similat to her than any other living thing- they are wild, they have courage, they are ment for freedom, and they are brave and loyal. She finds ultimate freedom, she remains independent, and she lives like a savage happily ever after.

Ok, so that was not really short 😂 But now it’s out of my head and down on virtual paper.. Oh, and I had to draw my angel who doesn’t want to be an angel but a dragon 🐉

I was going to draw a closeup of her face, and then one full figure of her outfit (because of course she’ll have a bad ass wardrobe) but I have to do boring adult things now and stop playing around (that’s what being creative in any way is to me- to PLAY and that’s why I love it) so if I get around to it I’ll do an update on this post. Aaand before I wrap this post up, I just have to add that the soundtrack would be heavily filled with tracks from Within Temptation’s album Resist (can’t believe no one has done that yet, because we are talking EPIC songs here..) Just listen to this

Ok, now I’m gonna go back to being a really boring adult and adulting 😅

»THERE’S 3 SIDES OF EVERY STORY: YOURS, MINE AND THE WHOLE DAMN TRUTH..»

Two songs, one case.

[Remission]

You have a part of me
I can do without
I’d rather bleed than cry actual tears
Over these messed up affairs

You talked smack, I heard it, you bite, I spit back. What happened to your cojones, is this how you attack? You did me dirty, I gave it all I had. Put me on a pedestal, cut it down and watched me fall, now word is you hate me- Who even cares..?

You quit, I lost my wit.. I’m so sick of this skit, how we were closed knit then we split. Blink of an eye, still you can’t tell me why..
Who even cares..? Used to dream about you, now you haunt me in my nightmares. All these lies through your perfect teeth, not one of ‘em was true. So damn you, fuck off, and I hope I haunt your nightmares too.

[Remorse]

Said I hope you choke on your coke

Like your issues were some kind of joke

I know just how deep your wounds really go

But you cut me loose

That was such a blow

to my fragile ego

I’m sorry for wherever it was I fucked up

I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough

You truly were one of a kind you know

And I don’t have a backup

Got under your bestfriend just to get over you

Can’t believe the messed up shit that I do

No wonder you doubt it was true

When I said I’d really fight for you

When it came to it I just broke down

Deleted your number from my phone

Man, you should know it really hurt to the bone

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alone

I’m sorry for whatever I said that got us fucked up

I really try, but it’s never enough

You were one of a kind, you know

And I don’t have a backup

I hope you stay sane and safe

I hope you get clean

I’m sorry for what went down in the aftermath

Probably doesn’t matter to you, but I never did it to be mean

You ment something special you know

I really did miss you the moment you left

I think I loved you more than I was able to show

Ain’t that many people that has truly mattered to me

And I never told you, but

you felt like my blood, like family..

We were both the same kind of fucked up

And there is a whopping 7 billion of us

But I don’t have a backup

I am terrible with dates (numbers in general) and I had no idea it’s Valentines day today until my friend called and asked me «What are you doing for Valentines day» and I was like eeehm, when is that and am I supposed to be doing something??

I am not a relationship-person. I’m not sure I even believe in everlasting love where there is also lust. Those two make things complicated after a while. I’m not sticking around with someone where the is no spark anymore. If you are in a monogamous relationship then the sex-part is the only thing you share with your partner that you can not get anywhere else. It’s important, and maybe as a woman I’m not supposed to feel that, but fuck it I do. I’m not sticking around if the lust-part is fading or completely over and can not be rekindled. I’m not holding on to something where it’s not fun anymore, I’m not holding on to someone that gradually change for the worse and starts treating me like they don’t appreciate me anymore.

Annonsørinnhold

Netthandelen tømmer lageret: Siste sjanse på kvalitetsvarer med opptil 75% rabatt

And same with me, if I can’t and no longer feel like giving you the best I have to give, then there is no point anymore. I honestly think it’s a skill to be able to be brutally honest about «where are we heading» and being able to end a relationship before it gets real ugly, because that is happening to so many. I’d rather call quits before the cheating, before the ugly name-calling and fighting, before the love turns to hate and enemies for life. To me, that is what being truly loyal means- respect someone enough to say the painful words «this is not working for me anymore» and then be able to hug and walk away with gratitude for what has been. But that’s just how I see it, and I know not many share my vision.

I do like a theme tho’, so I had to dress the part..

This sweater is so cute with the details of transparent hearts.. It’s from H&M Divided years ago.

I think today is a day to be grateful for the fact that I live in a country where the women before me battled for womens’ rights and therefore I can live a life where I don’t NEED a man to have financial freedom or be able to walk around safely, that I can dress how I want and fuck who I want, that I can choose the career I wish (if I ever figure that part out) and that I can opt out on things like giving birth to ten children because my only worth in life is that I have a womb.. I am grateful for my mum who walked out of an unhappy marriage (even if I hated her for it back then, but I didn’t get the full picture) and who’s always been the best rolemodel I could wish for as an independent, strong woman.

It’s also a day for me to be grateful that I’m not stuck in a relationship that isn’t happy or healthy, that I don’t have to deal with someone who’s toxic because he happens to be my baby daddy, and that if the right person happens to come in my way down the road I am completely free to go all-in in that..

If you are single today, I hope you join me celebrating this day like I do 🤗 Make yourself a good drink, order take-out, pop a bag of popcorn and put on good music, and celebrate your relationship with the most important person in your life- and that’s you! Sure, I am a complicated person and battling a lot of demons, but heck I’ve been and keep being there for me and that counts for something!

Either way, happy V-day ❤️

I can’t find the words. They’ve always been there for me, maybe not when the world collapses, when the pain is all I can feel, when the darkness creeps inside my skull and makes me go blind and deaf and numb, or when the madness takes over and turn me into my worst nightmare. But I know they exist somewhere, that I can claw and peel until they come back to me. Just like when I first learned how to write. It’s about trying and trying and eventually you force them to make sense.

I think I discovered as a child; that if I could express it, then maybe I could survive it. Even if it was just saying it to myself. Words can be a lifeline. First they got me in trouble. They made shit worse. Way worse. And sometimes it’s best to shut up. Stay quiet. But the harder they made it, the louder I screamed. I’ve always been stupid like that. And then I spent years not saying much. There wasn’t really anyone that were interested in listening. So I started writing the damn words down, just for me. They became my allies. They became the lifeline.

But lately I’ve felt like they fail me. Or like they are not enough. I write it down, the ugly, the messy, the hurt, my fears, my regrets, my shame. And I look at them, and I get pissed, because they are just words, they are just MY words, and they came from me but do they really give me anything in return besides just fucking being there? And then I wonder if someone reads them, would they even know what they mean? Do they get what I’m trying to say, what I’m trying to cope with, do they understand what they mean? What I mean? Or do they just think «Oh, the bitch is crazy again». And I never used to care what anyone would think about my damn words, they were MINE and honestly I don’t think anyone really listen to me anyway. And I thought I had made my peace with that. Just talking to myself, just throwing the damn words out into the pitch black infinite Universe, because I am alone in it. I don’t know why I am saying that when I can see the rest of you, all of the human race, but I am alone in it. I don’t know, maybe that’s what all 7 billions of us deep down feel, that we are ultimately alone. I hope it’s just me. I hope it’s just me right now. It’s just that I felt it as a kid too. And kids tend to see things as they are.

Alone in that dark room, and just my trembling voice. But it was still my voice. I heard it. I heard what I had to say. I HAD something to say.

I was invisible. But the words made me visible to myself. That’s what they used to be for me. I’ve lost myself so many times, in so many ways, but I clawed, I peeled until I could find the words- the lifeline- and if I could string them together, if I could make them make sense to me again, then they could make sense of ME again.

But now, now somehow they are not enough. They are just my damn words, my repetitive empty words, and I had to claw and peel until my fingers bled for them to even be there. And I stare at them and stare at them and then they don’t even make sense anymore, I can’t tell if I’m making sense anymore, because there is just me to make sense of them.

My empty words. My empty words that I can arrange however the fuck I want and still they can’t see me, can’t hold me, can’t love me, can’t tell me that after all is said and done and written down I am still me. They are my words, and that doesn’t matter anymore. They don’t matter anymore. There is no one to read them, there is no one to say «I understand what you clawed and peeled to say» there is no one to say.. Say anything at all. And maybe that’s the thing here, my own words are just that- my own, and I think I really yearn for someone else to say them. For someone else to make sense of things, make sense of life, make sense of ME.

I am alone in a dark room, and I say nothing. I am invisible. I am invisible and I am still here, and that’s the worst thing. I am still here.

It’s such a luxury problem.. Sitting here safe, warm, fed, comfortable in my home.. Asking myself «What is the point of my life».

But I still do it.

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

I’ve had my share of depressive periods. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no point with my existence several times. I’ve choked, I’ve jumped, I’ve burned, I’ve bled, I’ve overdosed. I have cursed at my saviours, cursed my own body for fighting to keep my alive when it felt like my spirit had died. I’ve given up. Given up, and then get back on my feet. But to actually map out where I am supposed to go, is really hard for me to do.

I don’t know what it is, that my soul is craving for.

I have always dreamed of finding something within me that I can label «potential». Something I can build on until I feel «worthy». Something that can make me feel like I’m of use. Something that can justify that I am here. Taking up the space, the resources.. Sometimes I think about it, if someone else had been born in my place- what would they have accomplished by now that I haven’t, that I might never will..?

This damned dark head.

Spent so many years like a living dead. Made it through so much. Not always sure, if it was worth it.

Stronger people than me have broken. Stronger people than me have come to the conclusion that life just ain’t worth living (have to put those lines in a song).

I have such an amazing family of strong, hard-working people with the best hearts. And then there is me, this complicated difficult hopeless loser that never seems to find her way, never makes the right decisions, never really get anywhere. Who sometimes become this deranged lunatic, disturbing everyone’s lives and everyone’s peace of mind. I know I am a burden, and not a blessing. I know that loving me sometimes turns into hate.

I have so much that I need to compensate for, but I can never seem to find a formula that works. I am always heading head first into a wall. It always feels like I’m not doing enough. I can never reach the woman I want to be, I’m not even sure if I can envision her anymore.

I just know that she is strong and brave. She’s someone you can lean on, depend on, trust.

I want to be her for you. I want to be her for me.

I just don’t know the steps to take, to get there.

But I will try. Fail. And try again.

There’s still time. There’s still hope. There’s still a will, a desire, a determination.

I just may need a reminder, when life slaps me across the face again.

So I leave these words here. I might need them.

Death will embrace me in the end regardless; but until then: I will live this one scary, messy, challenging, sometimes ugly sometimes beautiful thing called life.

Some days just getting out of bed feels like mission impossible, but I managed to do it- altough very grumpy (I’m grateful I live alone on days like that.. 😅) I am not a morning-person, I want to be but I’m not quite there yet! My first thoughts when I wake up are usually really negative, and I’m trying to change my mindset and tell myself that it’s in my hands and power to create a good day.

And today was, I went swimming with my sister and oldest nephew. So no makeup and sweats it is. I would not enjoy makeup and style if it felt like something I’d have to commit to every day, I don’t know about you but I need those «IDGAF»-days 😅

For years I did not go NEAR anything that would involve a bathing suit, and it’s still not easy-breezy for me.. But I do it! I’ve mentioned before my struggle with eating disorders and body image, I used to be so sick in the head that when I looked in the mirror I couldn’t even see myself as human- I was convinced that I was a monster- a freak- and at times I couldn’t walk outside in broad daylight. I couldn’t handle being seen, because I felt so ugly and repulsive. It was horrible. I don’t really know how it started, I think just as a kid whenever someone treated me bad I would just jump to the conclusion that «Oh, it’s because I’m ugly» and I have no idea how that came to be- it just became the truth. As a child, I think you always try to make sense of things and figure shit out, and if you can’t the way you view yourself and others can get really skewed.. That’s what happened to me, anyway.

The thing I still struggle with are the parts of me that just are not «as they should be», and by that I mean.. Not perfect, I guess. My boobs, who’s been through a hellride in terms of gaining/losing/gaining/losing weight, full of stretchmarks, just the most «Not porn-aestethic»- tits you can imagine, if you catch my drift. And then there is a whole other list, but I’m not gonna go down that rabbit-hole. I try to tell myself that it is ok to not love all parts of my body, that it is ok to have flaws, that I’m still working on just being able to accept myself for the whole imperfect package I come in. And that it’s alright that it takes time, that it is an ongoing-battle..

I won today, because it didn’t get in the way of me enjoying time with my family, and plus.. Being in water feels really great. Someone told me once «How it feels is so much more important than how it looks». That’s so true ❤️

If I had to sum up this (and to be honest, most) weekend in one word it would be.. Foodbaby! Man, I’ve said it before: This girl likes to eat!

I’m the type that will eat dinner at home, and then if someone suddenly invites me over for dinner I’m like.. «Ok, lemme just change into some bigger pants!»

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

That’s what happened yesterday.. I had to send the last picture to my friends, because.. Haha 😂

It’s quite a victory for me though, being able to enjoy food fully and having a more relaxed relationship to both food and my own body. I used to have serious eating-disorders, but I’ve come a long way. The most important part for me has been accepting that I can’t always eat 100% as «I should» and still avoid relapsing. I sometimes eat «too much» or «bad food» (by that I mean food that used to be forbidden or that I had to resort to bulimia in order to enjoy). I can enjoy eating junk food without feeling guilty or dirty, and I can eat whatever I want without that terrible urge that «Now I have messed up, I have to keep stuffing myself until I purge myself by throwing up». I feel like I finally have a healthy relationship with eating, and for me the biggest clue was being able to allow myself anything I want, and not having to be extremely rigid about what I eat. I think in a way my bipolar disorder has helped me a little there, because when I get hospitalized and heavily medicated I can gain a lot of weight really fast- but I just had to learn to accept it, that sometimes my body changes and it’s out of my control- and also, body fat does not scare me anymore- I was 90 kilos at the most and to my surprise that was the first time I was able to stop scrutinizing my own body and instead focus on what I liked about it- and I really loved having some serious curves! (And I’m kinda bummed I’ve lost them again, but baah..) In 2022 I wanna be more physically active, but damn- I will also EAT 😁 Life is too short, to not enjoy good food!

Mamma spurte meg her om dagen om jeg ville bli med å kikke på salget, og jeg sa selfølgelig ja, siden mamma har blitt (etter noen års intens krigføring, unnskyld mama bear!) min soleklart beste og mest lojale venninne i dette livet 🥰 Og det er jeg så stolt over å si, for GUD vi har jobba for å komme dit, og jeg har IKKE vært den letteste ungen/tenåringen/voksne dattera å holde ut med!

Men å «kikke» på ting med mamma, gjør som regel at jeg ikke kommer hjem tomhendt (hun sier at jeg ser fin ut i alt, uansett..) og det gjorde jeg ikke denne gang heller. Men altså, jeg har sagt det før og jeg sier det igjen: Det er på salgsracken at mye av det kuleste, mest spesielle, «ikke for alle» klærne ender opp, og det er jo akkurat det jeg liker! Timeless, classy pieces er forsåvidt også min greie, men jeg liker å blande det med mer spesielle plagg også, å kombinere vågalt og safe 🤪 Så er målet mitt her i livet også og prøve å balansere en crazy hjerne på et mest mulig stabilt punkt, kanskje det er derfor.. 😅 Klesstilen min representerer min indre kamp?? Har gått for lenge i terapi, må tydeligvis psykoanalysere alt.

Annonsørinnhold

Oversikt over salgene: De beste kuppene nå

Uansett, her er catch of the day (og for å psykoanalysere det litt mer, kanskje shopping er sånn den primitive huleboerhjernen min som absolutt ikke er egnet for dagens hypermoderne samfunn får utløp for jakt-og samler instinktet sitt?? Ok, nå skal jeg slutte..)

Til mitt forsvar: En laaang cardigan i en nøytral farge har stått på ønskelista lenge, og endelig fant jeg den. Til 100 kr, steal!

En annen ting jeg har ønska meg lenge: En discokule av en t-shirt! Jeg har tenkt i alle år at skal jeg bruke crop-tops så må alt magefettet bort og jeg skal helst ha en six-pack men på tide å innse det: This girl likes to EAT og jeg har faktisk begynt å like babybumpen min (som altså ikke er en babybump, det er pure fett-ingen trenger å bli stressa nå). Forsvinner den så er det også farvel til det jeg har igjen av pupper, og jeg er skikkelig puppe-menneske (aldri skjønt meg på rumpe-mennesker, tits all the way og faen at jeg ikke har større, men ja ja).. Prisen var 75 kr, føler nesten jeg har begått et lite ran mot H&M nå.

Ellers i livet, så baler jeg fortsatt hardt med en skrudd døgnrytme og det skyldes nok mye at jeg alltid våkner med tunge tanker om morgenen. Jeg vet ikke hva som skjer med meg når jeg sover, for før jeg legger meg kan jeg skrive i Positivitets-boka mi at jeg skal stå opp og tenke positivt, gjøre ditt og datt og ha en produktiv dag med positivt mindset, men så våkner jeg og bare «Åååååårh, jeg ORKER ikke en ny dag som meg selv, jeg vil bare soooove til jeg døøøør», også gjør jeg det da, helt til det ikke er fysisk mulig å sove lenger. HVORFOR?? Er det noen andre som har det sånn?? Jeg blir så frustrert og oppgitt over meg selv!

Men det er bare å prøve og prøve. Kanskje jeg har vært deprimert så mye og så lenge at hjernen trenger tid på å restarte helt? Lære å leve nytt..? Jeg vil videre, men å ikke greie en basic lifeskill som leggerutiner og stå opp-rutiner og generelt bare gripe dagen.. Jeg sleit så mye psykisk i så mange år at natta ble min safe-spot, turte ikke gå ut i lyset, turte ikke å bli sett av andre mennesker.. Jeg er jo fortsatt redd til en viss grad, men har mer kontroll på det nå og jeg VIL eksponere meg, gå rundt i lyset med alle andre, kjenne at jeg takler det, at jeg er klar for det, at jeg kom dit til sist.. Men det er så vanskelig å snu! Har satt seg biologisk og ikke bare psykisk, natta var for meg, den levende døde, dagen var for de modige levende.. Men jeg vil være blant dere nå! Jeg vil være modig, jeg vil være i live..

Vil jeg, så skal jeg få det til. Patience and practise and DO NOT GIVE UP 👊🏼
Er det liv, er det håp!

Avslutter med dette blinkskuddet tatt av Aillon, tante sitt gull på 3 år. Meg på mitt styggeste, null sminke og sliten etter vrangsøvn men hey, dere fortjener å se mitt sanne ansikt også 😅 Lærte han å ta bilder med telefonen min, og han var så skjønn når han entusiastisk sprang rundt og knipsa bilder av alt og alle.. Takk til min søster og (sviger)bror for at dere skapte disse to miraklene, tante er desidert min fineste tittel og jeg er ikke i nærheten av å være den de fortjener- men jeg skal dedikere livet mitt til å jobbe mot å bli det!

❤️ KJÆRLEIK❤️

(A song about self-hate, giving in, giving up- and then get up and give life one more shot)

Maybe it’s better to stand still than to be in freefall

Just feels like I’m all outta air

Perhaps it’s better to feel pain rather than nothing at all

Should do something about the situation

but I am afraid I don’t really care

Give you a bullet with my name engraved

I think I’d rather die than be enslaved

C’mon sniper, don’t miss

If I turn into a venomous viper

Know I bite if you hear me hiss

Keep me in the scope

I think I’m at the end of my rope

FIRE FIRE FIRE

Maybe it’s better to be frozen in time, than to be hot and in hell

Just feels like I’m buckled in chains

And maybe it’s better to be depressed, than depressed AND psycho as well

It’s my life, I just can’t seem to take the reins

Give you a bullet with my name engraved

I think I’d rather die than be enslaved

C’mon sniper, don’t miss

If I turn into a venomous viper

Know I bite if you hear me hiss

Keep me in the scope

I think I’m at the end of my rope

FIRE FIRE FIRE

Maybe it’s better to be stuck in a little prison cell rather than growing a tail and horns and be the demon raising hell

It just feels like I’m hit in my foxhole

Maybe it’s better crawling in circles rather than running head first into the wall

Just know this mind is very hard to control

Keep me in the scope

I think I’m at the end of my rope

C’mon sniper!

Keep tabs on me, that bullet got my name engraved

I think it’s me who’s keeping myself enslaved..

Shit, it’s me keeping myself enslaved!

SEIZE FIRE

I’m waving the white flag

C’mon sniper, give me a shot

Sit this one out

Let me get one last try

Before you pull the trigger

I’m ready to give it all I got

Before I die

Before I die..!

Don’t pull, let me have this shot

I’ll give it all I got!

Okay, okay- Let me be the first to admit it: I have ENOUGH items in my wardrobe.. But you know when you are bored and tell yourself you’re just gonna peep what’s out there..? I thought it was safe- When I’ve been looking in physical stores lately, I have found nothing that pleases my aestethic and I started to believe that nothing that’s on trend right now is my thing.. Well, of course looking online is a different story because the possibilities are pretty much endless.. So now (damn me) I fell down the rabbit hole and I have a wish-list.. That I try really hard to not obsess over. Maybe typing it will help..? Or maybe it will make it worse.. Anyway, here goes:

Annonsørinnhold

Superkupp innen sport og friluft du gjør nå

Imagesource: H&M.com

This coat from H&M is currently at full price (699 NKR) During a Norwegian winter I crave colors, and it does not get any better than a vibrant green. If I had to pick one color that describes «happy» I’d pick this shade. BUT I have enough coats, so I can’t really justify buying this one.. Unless it drops to a ridiculously low price.. One can hope, right?

Imagesource: Zalando.no

I’ve wanted a pair of metallic gold boots for years now, and the only thing more tacky than that are perhaps these in metallic pink.. (Also available in gold, but I think I love the pink ones more).. They are so ME on my boldest and I love it.. How cool would these babies be paired with the green coat above?? From the brand Even & Odd/ Zalando..

This dream of a seconhand faux fur is currently listed on Ebay.. It looks so glamorous and exclusive, and I kinda want to sell all my coats in exchange for this.. I’m just scared it’s mostly for show and not practical for the cold Norwegian winter.. Oh and yeah, I do NOT need it 😅

This vintage treasure is also up for grabs on Ebay.. I want it so bad! Cropped blazer..? Red sequins all over?? It’s one of those timeless pieces that you just know you’ll keep until it falls apart..

Okay, that’s it.. I’ll be strong! You need food and roof over your head, woman! 😅